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RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 11:51:20 AM

Posts: 14412
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

Daddy is working on arranging that.

How much "work" does that take? Because it should be fairly easy since you're all in a relationship.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 11:52:05 AM

Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MariaB

I agree with FD and OG,

You are willing to tell the world about your emotions but you don't want him to know.

I’ve never had a poly relationship where I haven’t known and really liked the other woman. Friendship as a threesome is very important to us all but that’s probably why I’ve never felt jealous, threatened or left out. You don't have to do it that way but when you don't, its likely doomed to fail.

Like someone else said here, poly is about absolute openness. I wouldn’t be just talking to him about how I feel, I’d be talking to the both of them in the same room at the same time and if either of them felt the same way about me I would expect the same open discourse.

This doesn’t sound like poly to me. It sounds more like a one ended open relationship where he takes a lover and you believe, to be a good submissive, you have to put up and shut up. You’ve got a long way to go before you can call this a poly experience.

I agree with everything but it being one way. I'm married, Daddy is my lover. He and I have both discussed it, and I am actively seeking a regular female play parther/lover. If anything he's been the one held back, only having me for the past 5 months while I had him and hubby. So I don't agree he's being unfair at all.

(in reply to MariaB)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 11:55:01 AM

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Joined: 10/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983
Ive already met with her one on one, and I've told both him and her all three of us need to meet as a group. Daddy is working on arranging that.

Regardless of the group meet, you need to make your daddy aware of your insane jealousy of this new girl and how it is affecting your relationship with him.

As has been said a few times already - resentments and jealousy will eat at the relationship and kill it stone dead eventually.

ETA: That fact that you've had him and hubby is quite irrelevant.
Hubby is not a part of this dynamic.
You are not being honest with your daddy... and that is a killer.

< Message edited by freedomdwarf1 -- 8/27/2016 11:58:43 AM >

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 11:55:22 AM

Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

Daddy is working on arranging that.

How much "work" does that take? Because it should be fairly easy since you're all in a relationship.

Scheduling. He works 5p-1a 6 days a week on a rotating schedule, I have my family and husband's schedule to work around, and she manages a retail store 5 days a week 10a to 8p. It's not easy to get us all together at once.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 11:56:04 AM

Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

I'm about to give you a piece of advice.

Quit making excuses. You're making excuses for him. You're making excuses for you.

He's failing at being the person in control of the relationship. Period.

You're failing at being an adult and communicating.

And not to cast aspersions on someone I haven't met...but I'm willing to bet she's enjoying it.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 11:57:33 AM

Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
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quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

We take everything on these forums at face value unless proven otherwise.

The onus is upon you to provide proof that this photo is indeed the OP.
Links to other posts etc.
Posts that link those writings to what has been scribed in this thread.

And please learn to type in English... or something close to it.
Most of your ramblings resemble a thesbian idiot who's lost the plot.

I'm ignoring it. I totally understand why people question the validity of others online, just not sure why this particular person is going about it in such a weird way.

I'm definitely a girl. Been all my life, lol.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 11:58:41 AM

Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
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quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I'm about to give you a piece of advice.

Quit making excuses. You're making excuses for him. You're making excuses for you.

He's failing at being the person in control of the relationship. Period.

You're failing at being an adult and communicating.

And not to cast aspersions on someone I haven't met...but I'm willing to bet she's enjoying it.

I appreciate the honesty. How do I tell him if I can't see him in person until likely Tues or Wednesday.

I'd like to talk to him on the phone but he just told me he's at his mom's place dealing with his bipolar polar brother. Doubt he has a minute to chat about my insecurities right now.

< Message edited by Aquanerd1983 -- 8/27/2016 12:00:37 PM >

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 12:02:22 PM

Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983
just not sure why this particular person is going about it in such a weird way.

He's an angry little man who is unable to get attention, so he posts gibberish to try and disrupt threads. And since FetLife banned him and the new moderator lifted his ban here...he's decided to focus his attention here.

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 12:02:55 PM

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I'm about to give you a piece of advice.

Quit making excuses. You're making excuses for him. You're making excuses for you.

He's failing at being the person in control of the relationship. Period.

You're failing at being an adult and communicating.

And not to cast aspersions on someone I haven't met...but I'm willing to bet she's enjoying it.

I appreciate the honesty. How do I tell him if I can't see him in person until likely Tues or Wednesday.

I'd like to talk to him on the phone but he just told me he's at his mom's place dealing with his bipolar polar brother. Doubt he has a minute to chat about my insecurities right now.

If you can't get to chat to him, at least send him a text so he is fully aware of what and why you are wanting this meet.
Not the most ideal solution but with all your excuses for everyone, that's the best you can do for now.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 12:04:45 PM

Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I'm about to give you a piece of advice.

Quit making excuses. You're making excuses for him. You're making excuses for you.

He's failing at being the person in control of the relationship. Period.

You're failing at being an adult and communicating.

And not to cast aspersions on someone I haven't met...but I'm willing to bet she's enjoying it.

I appreciate the honesty. How do I tell him if I can't see him in person until likely Tues or Wednesday.

I'd like to talk to him on the phone but he just told me he's at his mom's place dealing with his bipolar polar brother. Doubt he has a minute to chat about my insecurities right now.

If you can't get to chat to him, at least send him a text so he is fully aware of what and why you are wanting this meet.
Not the most ideal solution but with all your excuses for everyone, that's the best you can do for now.

I just did. I'm going to shower and force myself to eat something, play with the kids and spend time with hubby before I go out tonight. Hopefully Daddy will be available to talk before I go out.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 12:04:57 PM

Posts: 14412
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

I appreciate the honesty. How do I tell him if I can't see him in person until likely Tues or Wednesday.

That's fine. But, it shouldn't be difficult for him to arrange a meeting. If it is difficult, you have an issue.

quote:

I'd like to talk to him on the phone but he just told me he's at his mom's place dealing with his bipolar polar brother. Doubt he has a minute to chat about my insecurities right now.

I wouldn't talk with him right now, either.

But, here's a question - Are they getting together tonight?

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 8/27/2016 12:06:17 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 12:07:05 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

This is a fast reply.

A few observations for the OP:

1. Why invalidate your own feelings by saying that you do not want to stress him out? How do you know how he will react?

2. You must approach the situation like an adult. Explain how you are feeling and also explain that you are talking about it with him in order to keep your relationship healthy.

3. If you keep these feelings inside, they will fester and become toxic.

4. Were you included in the process of selecting this individual? Understand, I do not know your dynamic, but for myself, if this was my relationship, I would be including my submissive so all parties concerned were happy with the decision.

5. Do you feel as if you worked to become his sub and she did not? As you admitted, she is new to all of this and never had a BDSM relationship before. Sounds to me like she wants a 50 Shades of Grey experience, because, as others here have said, it should take a great deal of communication between two people so they can understand what each individual is and is not seeking.

I do hope that you just level with him. In your fear of stressing him out, have you given any thought to what it is you are going through and is that not important? I will reiterate what others have said here, communication is key in any relationship, it is better to lose the relationship for being open and honest than it is to be silent and lose it anyway.

You sound like you love him and that you want to keep him. Then do everything you can to keep him, and realize, if the relationship does fail, that you can find another that will be a better fit overall. You also will now have something to tell your next partner and if you talk about bringing someone else into the picture, that you would like to be involved in the process.

Best of luck to you.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 12:11:50 PM

Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

I appreciate the honesty. How do I tell him if I can't see him in person until likely Tues or Wednesday.
That's fine. But, it shouldn't be difficult for him to arrange a meeting. If it is difficult, you have an issue.

quote:

I'd like to talk to him on the phone but he just told me he's at his mom's place dealing with his bipolar polar brother. Doubt he has a minute to chat about my insecurities right now.

I wouldn't talk with him right now, either.

But, here's a question - Are they getting together tonight?

Yes they are, late, after he gets off work at 1. He wanted me to come too but understands it'll be too late for me.

(in reply to OsideGirl)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 12:15:24 PM

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
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Some very good points, Gauge.

But THIS...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
...it is better to lose the relationship for being open and honest than it is to be silent and lose it anyway.

Is what we have been saying for the last page or two.

Or like the (in)famous saying: It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Edit:

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983
Yes they are, late, after he gets off work at 1. He wanted me to come too but understands it'll be too late for me.

Personally, for something THIS important, I'd want to be there - late or not.
I'm sure hubby would understand.

It sounds like he is making these arrangements just so he knows you won't be there.
I may be wrong, but it sounds like you aren't #1 sub any more and being let down slowly.
Unfortunately, we have seen this many times in these threads.
I'd make sure I was there - even if I arrived unannounced at the same time she gets there.

< Message edited by freedomdwarf1 -- 8/27/2016 12:21:35 PM >

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 12:16:44 PM

Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

This is a fast reply.

A few observations for the OP:

1. Why invalidate your own feelings by saying that you do not want to stress him out? How do you know how he will react?

2. You must approach the situation like an adult. Explain how you are feeling and also explain that you are talking about it with him in order to keep your relationship healthy.

3. If you keep these feelings inside, they will fester and become toxic.

4. Were you included in the process of selecting this individual? Understand, I do not know your dynamic, but for myself, if this was my relationship, I would be including my submissive so all parties concerned were happy with the decision.

5. Do you feel as if you worked to become his sub and she did not? As you admitted, she is new to all of this and never had a BDSM relationship before. Sounds to me like she wants a 50 Shades of Grey experience, because, as others here have said, it should take a great deal of communication between two people so they can understand what each individual is and is not seeking.

I do hope that you just level with him. In your fear of stressing him out, have you given any thought to what it is you are going through and is that not important? I will reiterate what others have said here, communication is key in any relationship, it is better to lose the relationship for being open and honest than it is to be silent and lose it anyway.

You sound like you love him and that you want to keep him. Then do everything you can to keep him, and realize, if the relationship does fail, that you can find another that will be a better fit overall. You also will now have something to tell your next partner and if you talk about bringing someone else into the picture, that you would like to be involved in the process.

Best of luck to you.

1. I literally can't bring up anything serious without crying, it's embarrassing
2. I'm a big babu when I'm upset or passionate about something. I try to be rational and calm but I always cry. It's dumb
3.true
4.no I wasn't. They met Sat night, hung out that Sunday, played Monday and he was calling her his sub Tues. I was very upset and he saw a side of me he'd never seen. That wasn't fun at all
5. Yes to all that. Times a million. She hasn't worked for anything except taking his licks and telling him she has no issue with him having another sub already. It's not frigging fair.

(in reply to Gauge)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 12:17:54 PM

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Joined: 8/27/2016
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I do want to point out he never once hid her from me, but he did move much faster than I was prepared for and before I had a chance to meet her.

< Message edited by Aquanerd1983 -- 8/27/2016 12:18:57 PM >

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 12:19:39 PM

Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
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quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

Some very good points, Gauge.

But THIS...
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
...it is better to lose the relationship for being open and honest than it is to be silent and lose it anyway.
Is what we have been saying for the last page or two.

Or like the (in)famous saying: It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

But I don't want to lose him. I'm not ready to do that. Not over some noob subby cum lately. She's not worth losing him.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 12:25:55 PM

Posts: 6845
Joined: 10/23/2012
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

Some very good points, Gauge.

But THIS...
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
...it is better to lose the relationship for being open and honest than it is to be silent and lose it anyway.
Is what we have been saying for the last page or two.

Or like the (in)famous saying: It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

But I don't want to lose him. I'm not ready to do that. Not over some noob subby cum lately. She's not worth losing him.

But but but.... you are missing the label.
You WILL lose him one way or the other by clamming up.
This needs to be discussed and out in the open.

If you aren't prepared to lose him, then be prepared to be dumped.
It really is as simple as that. It really is.

_____________________________

“If liberty means anything at all, it means the right to tell people what they do not want to hear.”

George Orwell, 1903-1950

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 12:29:55 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983

1. I literally can't bring up anything serious without crying, it's embarrassing

You are hurt. Do not be ashamed about your feelings, because they are your feelings. Crying is an external representation of that hurt, don't be ashamed of that either.

quote:

2. I'm a big babu when I'm upset or passionate about something. I try to be rational and calm but I always cry. It's dumb

No, it isn't dumb. Again you are invalidating your feelings.

quote:

4.no I wasn't. They met Sat night, hung out that Sunday, played Monday and he was calling her his sub Tues. I was very upset and he saw a side of me he'd never seen. That wasn't fun at all

Well then, he made a mistake by not involving you. Your being upset at the speed of the thing is understandable. He never saw that side of you because you never had a reason to show it. As an aside, if he saw you were upset and did nothing about it, that is another mistake.

quote:

5. Yes to all that. Times a million. She hasn't worked for anything except taking his licks and telling him she has no issue with him having another sub already. It's not frigging fair.

No it isn't fair, but it wasn't your decision either, it was his. I just want to clear something up, sometimes on these boards we get submissives that think that because they are subs that they should not have a voice. You are a part of the relationship, and you are not being a bad submissive by needing to voice your feelings about something. I wanted to let you know that, if you didn't know that already.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Aquanerd1983)

RE: He took on a second sub and I'm miserable - 8/27/2016 12:32:46 PM

Posts: 245
Joined: 8/27/2016
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: freedomdwarf1

Some very good points, Gauge.

But THIS...
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
...it is better to lose the relationship for being open and honest than it is to be silent and lose it anyway.
Is what we have been saying for the last page or two.

Or like the (in)famous saying: It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Edit:
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aquanerd1983
Yes they are, late, after he gets off work at 1. He wanted me to come too but understands it'll be too late for me.

Personally, for something THIS important, I'd want to be there - late or not.
I'm sure hubby would understand.

It sounds like he is making these arrangements just so he knows you won't be there.
I may be wrong, but it sounds like you aren't #1 sub any more and being let down slowly.
Unfortunately, we have seen this many times in these threads.
I'd make sure I was there - even if I arrived unannounced at the same time she gets there.

Hes going to her place which is too far for me. I have to think about my family first. I need to be home and rested for church in the morning. Ultimately that's what matters most, my family.

And I sincerely do not believe Daddy wants to replace me. Not at all. He said as much yesterday, to my face. I trust him until proven otherwise, and of I wrong, it reality would be his loss. I'm very good to him. Forsaking all other men for him other than my hubby, she won't do that. If that's what he wants, he wouldn't be the man of thought he was. But I'm trusting my Daddy. I'm stepping back and going to enjoy myself at the club without him tonight and show him how strong I am, he said he wanted me to push my own limits. So I am, with his blessing. All I can do is be the best me I can be for him. Forget her, she doesn't get it, not yet anyway. She will though.

(in reply to freedomdwarf1)

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