being married...

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

being married...

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> being married...

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

being married... - 1/26/2007 12:08:15 PM

Posts: 63
Status: offline

Just curious to know how others feel about Dominants, and submissives that are married, yet have a discreet bdsm relationship with another, withouth their spouse being aware of it. As for the Dominants who are married, do you feel this is an "undomly" quality?

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 12:18:04 PM

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

Is 'cheating' undomly? I don't know. But it IS cheating.

I've participated (as a third) with married women. Usually, the dom who recruited me to assist was married as well.

I find it sad. But it is apparently a sad fact of our world.

I didn't even get started into the Lifestyle until I was divorced. Even so, I've always been monogamous.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to rubyleu)

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 12:21:17 PM

Posts: 186
Joined: 10/28/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: rubyleu

Just curious to know how others feel about Dominants, and submissives that are married, yet have a discreet bdsm relationship with another, without their spouse being aware of it.

In general, people here seem to be wildly oposed to it...but I guess I should let them all line up and tell you themselves how dreadful low-down, cheating, hypocritical...etc etc...

Laura

(in reply to rubyleu)

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 12:24:22 PM

Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

i was married when i "discovered" my submissive side which helped mask the neglect, hurt and pain i was feeling from my ex. my two former Doms are still married however when my divorce was finalized 8 months ago, i decided to shy away from any married Doms.

_____________________________

there is something infinitely magical
about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

(in reply to rubyleu)

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 12:24:42 PM

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

One thing about contemplating a relationship with a person married or involved with someone else; you never have to worry or question a couple of the most essential parts of a relationship - Trust and Integrity.

Going in - you know they lack both. It's good to know you have that foundation to build upon at the inception of the relationship instead of finding out later when you've become emotionally involved.

(in reply to mstrjx)

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 12:35:18 PM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

It's cheating.

It's neither domly nor undomly, subly or unsubly- it is unethical and distasteful, for anyone.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to rubyleu)

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 12:38:12 PM

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

According to statistics I read not long ago, a half of all men and two thirds of all women cheat on their partner. Maybe those stats are wrong but other stats give very high rates of cheating too so I guess cheating is part of human nature. It sucks but insisting its wrong isn't going to change it so is it really worth worrying about?

_____________________________

There are fascists who consider themselves humanitarians, like cannibals on a health kick, eating only vegetarians.

(in reply to rubyleu)

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 12:39:11 PM

Posts: 59
Joined: 5/19/2004
From: Santa Monica, CA
Status: offline

I have spent over 20 years in a relationship with a 'vanilla' male. All the while being a domme, both pro and lifestyle. While we were not married it did not seem to impact anything, He knew what I did, and was cool with it - but not into it. Now that we are very newly married, I find myself not wanting to share this side of myself with him nor tell him about my bdsm (potential partners). I am not sure what has happened to our open and fab relationship? I can only imagine that I am feeling guilty of being the dominatrix that I have always been. Maybe I need more time? I am unsure if I would 'cheat' on him with a sub. We have been married for 3 months. So I have not had too much time to do anything about cherating or not. Anyone (male/female, dom/me or sub) wanna give me their thoughts I would welcome it. And another thing, it is hard to define cheating with BDSM... I do not consider playing cheating, but some do. I think of cheating as sex with bdsm, or any sex. LOL....

_____________________________

In Leather Dominance,
Mistress Snow
aka
Mistress Snowmonkey

"I used to be snow white, but I drifted."- Mae West

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Mistress_Snowmonkey/

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 12:39:16 PM

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Unless ALL parties are aware and approve of what's going on, I find it unethical.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to rubyleu)

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 12:52:59 PM

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

One thing about contemplating a relationship with a person married or involved with someone else; you never have to worry or question a couple of the most essential parts of a relationship - Trust and Integrity.

Going in - you know they lack both. It's good to know you have that foundation to build upon at the inception of the relationship instead of finding out later when you've become emotionally involved.

Excellently put.

Cheaters are cheaters. I know from personal experience that cheaters can change, but it's probably going to happen because they want the happiness they get from a specific partner who won't put up that BS. It's not domly, it's not subbly, it's not anything but proving that you can't be trusted.

Frankly, if I couldn't trust a man to keep an oath of fidelity/honesty about his partners, is that really the kind of man I want to trust with my life as he ties me up and could do whatever he wants with me? Is he really going to respect the limits we went over before hand? Is he going to listen to me if I tell him something hurts and I need to stop now? I don't know. You probably can be a good dom and a bad husband, but I'd have such an easier time trusting a person who I know kept their word.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 12:54:23 PM

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

I think it's great! It's a wonderful question.... Everyone should cheat any time they get the opportunity...Nothing unethical about it! If you were a Dom and somebody dropped their wallet would you tell them? Another great question! Hows about ...if you were a Dom and you saw somebody put a cherrybomb in your neighbors mailbox...would you tell your neighbor who it was? Or....If you were a Dom and you stole cable would you call the company and confess?

This what would a "Dom do" line of questioning is fucking fascinating! Anyone else have any good questions that they need an answer to?

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 12:56:11 PM

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Yeah, what's for dinner?

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to domiguy)

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 1:00:22 PM

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

Some stupid sub's wife I hope.

out.

D.G,

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.

(in reply to mnottertail)

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 1:02:17 PM

Posts: 431
Joined: 12/5/2005
From: Mayberry, Illinois
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

One thing about contemplating a relationship with a person married or involved with someone else; you never have to worry or question a couple of the most essential parts of a relationship - Trust and Integrity.

Going in - you know they lack both. It's good to know you have that foundation to build upon at the inception of the relationship instead of finding out later when you've become emotionally involved.

I couldn't have said it anymore eloquently.

LOKI

_____________________________

"My pleasure, your pain. Doesn't matter, its all the same"

-Loki

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 1:03:25 PM

Posts: 143
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

One thing about contemplating a relationship with a person married or involved with someone else; you never have to worry or question a couple of the most essential parts of a relationship - Trust and Integrity.

Going in - you know they lack both. It's good to know you have that foundation to build upon at the inception of the relationship instead of finding out later when you've become emotionally involved.

Very nicely put.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 1:04:18 PM

Posts: 109
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Greetings....

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

It's cheating.

It's neither domly nor undomly, subly or unsubly- it is unethical and distasteful, for anyone.

i beleive you mentioned to me....just the other day LuckyAlbatross....how those within the lifestyle are the most judgmental....Apparently you were correct...

regards
krista
joy through service

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 1:09:09 PM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: krista
i beleive you mentioned to me....just the other day LuckyAlbatross....how those within the lifestyle are the most judgmental....Apparently you were correct...

regards
krista
joy through service

No, I said that lifestylers are as bad as vanillas in putting others down for being different or saying that they are better than others.

I completely support making judgements- it's an important skill for mature adults to learn how to utilize.

Before you suggest much more- you should know I have certainly cheated in my own past and am fully honest and open about it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to krista)

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 1:21:00 PM

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

Krista covers LA's face with her enormous jugs...and patiently waits for the kicking to subside....So sad. (Domiguy removes Cubs hat and bows head out of respect)

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your fllowers.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 1:27:46 PM

Posts: 244
Joined: 8/31/2006
Status: offline

I have to agree that cheating is cheating is cheating, makes no difference if it is vanilla, bdsm, play, sex, or whatever. To me, MHO ONLY, anyone who cheats, or hides an emotional relationship from a partner will haide something from me. I also knwo that I deserve better than to be the reason someone cheats. It is like saying you are "poly" because you have a wife and a girlfriend, but unless both women know about each other and are OK with it, it is just an excuse to cheat. I have to second what LA just posted, we do all need to make judgement calls - is this car safe, is this food good for me, is that person someone I really want to be involved with. I also cheated in my past. I knew my marriage was a very very bad one, but instead of ending it I slept with someone because at the time I "thought" it meant I was still desireable. The right thing to do would ahve been to end my marriage first. That marriage was bad and it did end, but it does not make the fact that I cheated any better, nor does the fact that he had been cheating all along. I have had to face that and deal with it. Being sneaky, being a liar, has not so much to do with Dom-ness or sub-ness as it has to do with being a good, decent person, honest person.

oh, btw - I have, in my lifetime, found and turned in or returned 3 wallets, 2 very beautiful and expensive gem-stone rings, and an envelope of cash dropped outside a bank. Karma. It does not make me better than anyone, it just makes me able to sleep good.
MsOpal

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: being married... - 1/26/2007 1:30:58 PM

Posts: 109
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Greetings Lucky Albatross....

i stand corrected.

regards
krista
joy through service

(in reply to MsOpal)

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> being married...

Page: [1] 2 3 4 5 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.695