quote:

ORIGINAL: willowspirit

Four pages of posts... whew! Lots of good stuff too. Just a thought. If You truly wish to become her "Master" You need to come to the realization that it means You Own  ALL  of her. her body, her heart, her thoughts, her health, her emotions, her spirit, her words,  and her resentment. If You OWN it you are responsible for it. Her job is to surrender it up to You, to be open, to state it as clearly as she can. She also has the duty to work with You on it, as You need her to.

      It's not some sort of linear development either.   --  IE. bottom to submissive to slave. --   Not all who bottom are submissive. Some of the best slaves are "contractually" submitting in a relationship but are quite Dominant outside of it. Some deep submissives can't make good slaves because they can't state their needs clearly, or find a confidence in who they are, or find any real joy in service, but are psychologically resigned to obey anyway -- and not happily. Some just want to be "sex slaves". 
     Same sort of thing with Dominants. Some may be quite domineering, yet get nothing but resentment. Some may not have the inter-personal skills to "master" anyone. Some Dominants may be so lacking confidence, that they find no joy in taking charge and being responsible for another human being.

   That's just a few examples. Sorry, I can't make it any easier for You.
Keep at it.  Like others have said elsewhere .... It's a journey, not a destination.

quote:

ORIGINAL: puella

I have read a couple of the first few replies to your query, and having no previous encounter with you on the forums will offer you this to mull over (given I did not read the entire 4 pages of replies, it may have already come up, but oh well).

At what point did you forget that your submissive/slave/whatever title you need to supply for your relationship partner, is a person?  I have encountered in previous relationships and in many discussions here on the forums this most fundamental forgetfulness over and over.

A woman can be profoundly submissive, can desire to please you and serve you and still not find every little (or big) thing you require or desire of her to be completely blissful, joy inspiring or even at all pleasant.

You are harping on the fact that she was resentful.  How about looking at the fact that though, for what ever reason, she found it distasteful or personally unpleasant, she complied with your wishes and submitted.

Sometimes, we human submissive types do things we do not like or want to do for our dominants and sometimes, that bald submission is in and of itself is all we can manage that is pleasing...just submission, just compliance...

Sometimes, we human submissive types, absolutely detest, do not understand, and dread some of the things our dominants ask of us.

Sometimes, we even fail to comply with demands and wishes placed upon us by our dominants.

That does not make our submission less real, less worthwhile or less committed.

It just goes to show you that you are working with an actual person in this relationship, not an automated sex doll that only has one programmed response... a mechanical smile and a "Yes, Master!"

Remember that she is a person and be proud of the fact that even though she obviously, and for what ever reason or myriad of reasons which can range from the simple to the long-standing and complex, she  obeyed your orders...it may not have been as effortless and graceful as you would have liked, but she obeyed you.  Your (and I would argue any) submissive, from time to time may  not, and I would also argue, can not possibly love every little thing you command  and desire of her. Though she may love serving and pleasing you, she may actually quite adamantly dislike some of the things you ask/require her to submit to.

If you really want to get to the root of the resentment...talk to her and be prepared to put in a bit of work (and in my opinion, work you as a dominant should fundamentally love) getting to better know your submissive, what makes her tick, and what it is that is making her not tick quite so loudly as she obeys you despite her own displeasure.

Remember, being a dominant is far more intricate than barking out orders and having your life greatly eased by the labors of another who is devoted to you....that would just make you a lazy bastard...well perhaps a lucky lazy bastard. Being a dominant means you actively (not passively) take control of the situation and the woman you have chosen to be in and be with.  If you can not handle that, you will probably find it more rewarding to pay some chick for easy pleasure without complication or lack of customer satisfaction.

Take some time to think about this.

Jen

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ORIGINAL: foreverminx

From your previous posts and this one included when you mention her going off to mud baths and being gone for 5 days... it seems like she would rather be with her family and friends than being a slave to you. She doesn't contact for hours, she is resentful of orders you give you... you are clearing landmines before dominating.... it seems like there is a bigger question you need to be asking her............. does she really want to be your slave?

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveSoul

greetings all,

mia apologises if this has been said before, but when mia and her Master were just starting the relationship (we both come from a BDSM background) mia was very very frequently resentful of commands, even though to be commanded, and enslaved, and "put beneath the whip" was mia's fondest wish, and most aching need.  The only thing that fixed this issue for mia was time.  A slave needs quite a lot of time to trust her Master (she is giving over her entire life, that is quite a risk for anyone to take).  Slaves also need time to trust themselves (my desire is finally *out* in the open, can i do it? do i have the courage, and strength to follow my dreams???) and the dynamic of the relationship before they can let go, and just be what they are.  Might mia suggest, instead of pushing her to be a certain way and trying to mould her at this early stage, maybe "stand back" and just watch her, sit and talk with her about *her* goals, *her* wishes for her slavery, and how she sees herself; get to know what you have at your feet; mia knows that if people do that with her, her slave responses come naturally, she bonds very easily.

mia hopes she hasn't offended, or displeased with her reply.

girl wishes well,

mia{L}
Property of Logos.

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ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveofKaos

I was trying to protect myself from things I was afarid of instead of trusting in Master to decide what was right for me.

Huh...

I would actually call that the right thing and not the wrong thing in this case

quote:

ORIGINAL: WinsomeDefiance
Either way, you are rather like a Timex.  I find it amazing you will take such a kicking and keep on ticking.  Kudos for that. 

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ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

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ORIGINAL: slaveofKaos

I was trying to protect myself from things I was afarid of instead of trusting in Master to decide what was right for me.

Huh...

I would actually call that the right thing and not the wrong thing in this case

You might ask her yourself instead of speaking for her.  All this lecturing, from various people that I don't listen to my slave, and guess what?  She speaks up and still you don't listen.

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

quote:

ORIGINAL: willowspirit

...... If You truly wish to become her "Master" You need to come to the realization that it means You Own  ALL  of her. her body, her heart, her thoughts, her health, her emotions, her spirit, her words,  and her resentment. If You OWN it you are responsible for it.      Her job is to surrender it up to You, to be open, to state it as clearly as she can. She also has the duty to work with You on it, as You need her to.

     It's not some sort of linear development either.   --  IE. bottom to submissive to slave. --   Not all who bottom are submissive. Some of the best slaves are "contractually" submitting in a relationship but are quite Dominant outside of it. Some deep submissives can't make good slaves because they can't state their needs clearly, or find a confidence in who they are, or find any real joy in service, but are psychologically resigned to obey anyway -- and not happily. Some just want to be "sex slaves". 
    Same sort of thing with Dominants. Some may be quite domineering, yet get nothing but resentment. Some may not have the inter-personal skills to "master" anyone. Some Dominants may be so lacking confidence, that they find no joy in taking charge and being responsible for another human being. 

  That's just a few examples. Sorry, I can't make it any easier for You.
Keep at it.  Like others have said elsewhere .... It's a journey, not a destination.
 

All the bottom/sub/slave has to do is show up?  It takes two to tango.  Masters aren't magic.  Your post was nice enough, and well intended I'm sure, but I honestly wonder how many people on this site actually have a BDSM life outside of these message boards.  Oh wait, no I don't. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

quote:

ORIGINAL: willowspirit

Four pages of posts... whew! Lots of good stuff too. Just a thought. If You truly wish to become her "Master" You need to come to the realization that it means You Own  ALL  of her. her body, her heart, her thoughts, her health, her emotions, her spirit, her words,  and her resentment. If You OWN it you are responsible for it. Her job is to surrender it up to You, to be open, to state it as clearly as she can. She also has the duty to work with You on it, as You need her to.

    It's not some sort of linear development either.   --  IE. bottom to submissive to slave. --   Not all who bottom are submissive. Some of the best slaves are "contractually" submitting in a relationship but are quite Dominant outside of it. Some deep submissives can't make good slaves because they can't state their needs clearly, or find a confidence in who they are, or find any real joy in service, but are psychologically resigned to obey anyway -- and not happily. Some just want to be "sex slaves". 
   Same sort of thing with Dominants. Some may be quite domineering, yet get nothing but resentment. Some may not have the inter-personal skills to "master" anyone. Some Dominants may be so lacking confidence, that they find no joy in taking charge and being responsible for another human being.

That's just a few examples. Sorry, I can't make it any easier for You.
Keep at it.  Like others have said elsewhere .... It's a journey, not a destination.

All the bottom/sub/slave has to do is show up?  It takes two to tango.  Masters aren't magic.  Your post was nice enough, and well intended I'm sure, but I honestly wonder how many people on this site actually have a BDSM life outside of these message boards.  Oh wait, no I don't. 

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian
All the bottom/sub/slave has to do is show up? It takes two to tango. Masters aren't magic. Your post was nice enough, and well intended I'm sure, but I honestly wonder how many people on this site actually have a BDSM life outside of these message boards. Oh wait, no I don't.

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveofKaos

I was trying to protect myself from things I was afarid of instead of trusting in Master to decide what was right for me.

Huh...

I would actually call that the right thing and not the wrong thing in this case

You might ask her yourself instead of speaking for her.  All this lecturing, from various people that I don't listen to my slave, and guess what?  She speaks up and still you don't listen.

She speaks up and says... what?

That, very convientently for you, the problem has been decided to be all her fault. I think it's utterly amazing that in a relationship so riddled with communication issues that it boils down to her trying to top from the bottom. You ask for advice and than seem to ignore every piece of it. What are you doing to fix this because, quite frankly, I don't buy the topping from the bottom line. In  everything I've seen you post, it's been "all her fault, none of mine". I hope, for the sake of Jodi, that you realize you are going to have work your little tail off as well to fix this. D/s relationships aren't any easier than vanilla ones. Hell, they may be harder.

But hey, nobody said being a master would be easy.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MadRabbit

What if I rephrased it as ...."The problem is I need to stop being afraid and instead, trust in my Master who doesnt care about right and wrong to do whats right for me".