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Daddy Doms - 11/10/2006 11:12:51 AM

Posts: 17
Joined: 10/24/2006
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I was doing some research to find out more about the opinions and theories of the "Daddy Dom" persona in BDSM. Interestingly a GREAT article by Kendra was the only thing of interest on the first 4 pages of my google search. (if you haven't seen it yet http://www.vanilla-not.com/basics/daddydom.html or any of about 100 places it is quoted!)

(FYI-I am NOT referring to the age play version.)

I wish I had a specific question to spark a discussion with. I want to know what being a Daddy Dom means to you (even if you aren't called one but think it inherently fits you) OR what serving a Daddy Dom means to you.

I had always had sadistic Masters in the past who quite simply wanted to push the limits of pain play, until my recent contact with a Daddy Dom - who seems to easily fill the shoes of my "perfect" Master.

_____________________________

Don't forget to smile while you're chasing down your dream!

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/10/2006 11:33:41 AM

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http://www.collarchat.com/m_668543/mpage_1/key_daddy/tm.htm#668698
Age play dynamics

http://www.collarchat.com/m_580865/mpage_1/key_age%252Cplay/tm.htm#580890
Ms and age play

http://www.collarchat.com/m_546688/mpage_1/key_daddy/tm.htm#546972
Another daddy dom question

http://www.collarchat.com/m_541638/mpage_2/key_daddy/tm.htm#541832
How does a dom decide to be a daddy ?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_540044/mpage_1/key_daddy/tm.htm#540129
Daddy's Girl

http://www.collarchat.com/m_278285/mpage_2/key_daddy/tm.htm#278992
What exactly is a daddy dom?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_259176/mpage_1/key_daddy/tm.htm#259184
Are there any daddies here?

Daddy/Daughter Roleplay

Daddydoms and Babygirls

Daddy?

Daddy/little girl

Hiding Daddy's Belt

Daddy doms

Daddy's little girl

Daddy? (2)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to zbabe888)

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/10/2006 2:38:23 PM

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Joined: 10/19/2006
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But what are YOUR opinions on Daddy Doms, LA? :)

To the OP: I guess you could identify me as such, although I tend to take my leave of most labels. My girl and I do have a Daddy/girl dynamic which is more about the flow of energy and emotions rather than age play. It's just a nurturing thing. It's a "big/small" thing. It's her coming to me when she needs to feel safe and secure, and it somehow triggers a button in her that says "Daddy". There's no logical explanation, so I guess the phrase "it is what it is" is most appropriate.

Regards,
EO

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/10/2006 3:18:34 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExtremeOwnerIL
But what are YOUR opinions on Daddy Doms, LA? :)

They are expressed a few different times in a few different ways in those threads.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to ExtremeOwnerIL)

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/10/2006 3:54:07 PM

Noah

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Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: zbabe888
I had always had sadistic Masters in the past who quite simply wanted to push the limits of pain play, until my recent contact with a Daddy Dom - who seems to easily fill the shoes of my "perfect" Master.

All well and good. But don't fall prey to the misconception which seems to be gaining currency to the effect that the two dynamics mentioned in the quoted paragraph can't co-exist very nicely.

(in reply to zbabe888)

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/10/2006 5:03:07 PM

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

quote:

ORIGINAL: zbabe888
I had always had sadistic Masters in the past who quite simply wanted to push the limits of pain play, until my recent contact with a Daddy Dom - who seems to easily fill the shoes of my "perfect" Master.

All well and good. But don't fall prey to the misconception which seems to be gaining currency to the effect that the two dynamics mentioned in the quoted paragraph can't co-exist very nicely.

Agreed. They can and do. The "Daddy Dom" side tends to be on the nurturing. The Sadist is not - at least not nurturing in non-sadistic ways.

Regards,
EO

(in reply to Noah)

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/11/2006 11:58:50 AM

Noah

Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExtremeOwnerIL

quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

quote:

ORIGINAL: zbabe888
I had always had sadistic Masters in the past who quite simply wanted to push the limits of pain play, until my recent contact with a Daddy Dom - who seems to easily fill the shoes of my "perfect" Master.

All well and good. But don't fall prey to the misconception which seems to be gaining currency to the effect that the two dynamics mentioned in the quoted paragraph can't co-exist very nicely.

Agreed. They can and do. The "Daddy Dom" side tends to be on the nurturing. The Sadist is not - at least not nurturing in non-sadistic ways.

Regards,
EO

"tends" suggests to me some sort of statistical analysis whether with actual hard numbers or with impressions gained across a large amount of observation of the phenomena.

I spend too little time in the private lives of the thousands of other people in question to expound on what general tendencies are associated with what we might call the Paternal Dynamic. That said, I'll allow as how EO's sentiment does seem to be supported by the weight of posts to forums like this one.

We should keep in mind, I think, that people who post about darker, edgier practices and interests often meet more censure and derision than open-hearted discussion. That being the case it might well be so that they exist in greater numbers than the weight of their posts might suggest.

I thank you for alluding to the fact that operating in what we might call the Sadistic Dynamic can in certain ways for certain people have the result of nurturance for the partner too. I think some people don't appreciate this. I would highlight that that this can happen whether or not the sadist is acting with any scrap of nurturing intent. In some cases his intent can be utterly incidental to an internal transformation on the masochist's part.

For all I know there is a large population of people who don't care to post to the internet for whom the Paternal Dynamic is a very dark thing indeed with no attention paid to nuturing. You can tell from reading here that this is not unheard of. There may be plenty of cases where nurturance would in fact be at odds with the way people choose to bring in that paternal energy, if you will.

The inferior partner may in effect skate on some razor edge of destruction or rejection by this paternal figure. Emotional edge play not attractive to some, perhaps, but there it is.

Alternatively the inferior partner (and please don't anyone imagine that the word inferior implies a moral judgement; it is just a word) may concern herself exclusively with serving and pleasing the paternal figure without anything dark going on but also without any particular attention by him to her nurturance.

I can report from past personal experience that both of these sorts of approaches have been productively explored in full consensuality.

Many similar but somehow different, or in-between cases may exist as well. As well, some couples may swing back and forth and roundabout among these modes.

What I want to highlight is that we can usefully see the Paternal Dynamic as a thing in itself, separate from what we might call the Nurturance Dynamic. We can notice evidence of a kind statistical tendency for paternalism and nurturance to cluster together without mistaking them for two sides of the same thing. I find it useful and helpful to recognize these distinctions though of course somone else may be content to ignore them and even better off for doing so.

By way of analogy, it is fair to note that coniferous trees "tend" as a group to keep green foliage all year 'round under typical conditions. But if we want to get at what constitutes coniferousness (not a matter of ontic claims but rather an accurate description of the range of application of this word) we would prevent full understanding of the term if we spoke of this greenish tendency without recognizing the Larch in all its pale autumn beauty.

EO, I don't think that I am contradicting you. I only wanted to explore the ideas a little further. Again, thanks for your contribution.

(in reply to ExtremeOwnerIL)

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/11/2006 12:17:22 PM

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Heeehhh Heh Heheeeeeeeh, he said ontic.

Butt-Head.

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Noah)

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/11/2006 12:20:10 PM

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ExtremeOwnerIL

Agreed. They can and do. The "Daddy Dom" side tends to be on the nurturing. The Sadist is not - at least not nurturing in non-sadistic ways.

And some even co-mingle, where there is no separation.

(in reply to ExtremeOwnerIL)

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/11/2006 8:13:14 PM

Noah

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Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ImpGrrl

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExtremeOwnerIL

Agreed. They can and do. The "Daddy Dom" side tends to be on the nurturing. The Sadist is not - at least not nurturing in non-sadistic ways.

And some even co-mingle, where there is no separation.

(Legal ethics be damned!) Let's hear it for co-mingling of funs.

(in reply to ImpGrrl)

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/11/2006 8:25:16 PM

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Joined: 10/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

EO, I don't think that I am contradicting you. I only wanted to explore the ideas a little further. Again, thanks for your contribution.

I very much enjoyed what you had to say. We are saying very similar things, my regards to you for saying it so well.

EO

(in reply to Noah)

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/11/2006 8:44:32 PM

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
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In addition, is this a relatively new phenomenon? I've never heard of it before coming to CM.

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to zbabe888)

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/12/2006 12:32:32 AM

Noah

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Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

In addition, is this a relatively new phenomenon? I've never heard of it before coming to CM.

No. We just didn't want to disturb you.

(in reply to LotusSong)

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/12/2006 7:41:25 AM

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My Daddy is a Sadist. One minute he's cuddling with me and the next he's biting me some where and i'm squirming and whimpering in pain..... and then he's hugging me again. Then i'm trying to jump his bones.. and he refuses to let me.. then i pout.. and then he's biting me again..

its a vicious cyle...... a very loving, painful.. and um.. erotic one..

heh

Ron yer a dweeb!

butthead

(in reply to Noah)

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/12/2006 8:13:16 AM

Posts: 127
Joined: 5/19/2006
From: Balti., Maryland, living in Summerville SC
Status: offline

first off thanks for bringing the subject up ... and for all the information

I have always gone the other way from Daddy Dom's

the word Daddy not being a good word to me

yes .. the old .. bad daddy poor me childhood

.. lets not go there..

On CM I have found a few Dominants who feel the same

that the Daddy part is the side that lets them cuddle and heal

while still in touch with their 'other' side

so .. my ears are a little more open

as I mature a little and listen to all opinions on the subject ..

~blessings

_____________________________

~~"I have always sought this other side, but like a flame I dare not touch, For like forbidden fruits of wild .. just one taste would be to much"...
~~ blessed be

(in reply to RiotGirl)

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/12/2006 8:54:09 AM

Posts: 379
Joined: 12/12/2005
From: Central Texas / Hill Country
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My husband-Master moved into a Daddy - little girl mode a little over a year ago. This was after 25 years of marriage and 9+ years of 24/7Ds. The article by Kendra expesses many of my feelings very weel, but for me there is something more I would like to share for your thought. It is trust.

I used to say that as my Master's submissive I renewed my submissiveness every singel day; that I gave myself to him everyday and that made my submission good (for me) because I sort of renewed my feelings everyday. As our Ds grew and matured and we settled into a deeper. more comfortable, natural feeling Ds life our plans for the furture changed, our deep feelings changed. We still talked about our Ds a lot, discussion new feelings, new desires, new ideas (new to US). From one conversation came the idea of me calling him Daddy. I had thought about it befire buit never mentioned it because I did not want him to misunderstand and think I wanted him to "replace" my Daddy, whom I loved dearly. Again, more discussions and we both realized that 'Daddy- littlegirl' was a feeling we both had and wanted to recognize and nuture. All the feelings described in Kendra's article were there, but for me it involves something more. There is such a deep level of trust that it is difficult to fathom. I would have said before that I trusted him totally, but this is just so much more. When a child has a good father-daughter relationship the little girl does not wake up each day and say to herself ... "Do I trust my Daddy to love me today? Do I trust him to take the best care of me that he can? Do I trust hom to not harm me?" They do not need to ask these questions, they just KNOW, it is innate, it is always there. It is being so safe, so loved, so protected that there is never any question about it. It is comfort, security, love at the most base levels. For me, for us, our Daddy-little girl is about that trust.

MsOpal

(in reply to ExtremeOwnerIL)

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/12/2006 11:01:08 AM

Noah

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Joined: 7/5/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Argentopal

My husband-Master moved into a Daddy - little girl mode a little over a year ago. This was after 25 years of marriage and 9+ years of 24/7Ds. The article by Kendra expesses many of my feelings very weel, but for me there is something more I would like to share for your thought. It is trust.

I used to say that as my Master's submissive I renewed my submissiveness every singel day; that I gave myself to him everyday and that made my submission good (for me) because I sort of renewed my feelings everyday. As our Ds grew and matured and we settled into a deeper. more comfortable, natural feeling Ds life our plans for the furture changed, our deep feelings changed. We still talked about our Ds a lot, discussion new feelings, new desires, new ideas (new to US). From one conversation came the idea of me calling him Daddy. I had thought about it befire buit never mentioned it because I did not want him to misunderstand and think I wanted him to "replace" my Daddy, whom I loved dearly. Again, more discussions and we both realized that 'Daddy- littlegirl' was a feeling we both had and wanted to recognize and nuture. All the feelings described in Kendra's article were there, but for me it involves something more. There is such a deep level of trust that it is difficult to fathom. I would have said before that I trusted him totally, but this is just so much more. When a child has a good father-daughter relationship the little girl does not wake up each day and say to herself ... "Do I trust my Daddy to love me today? Do I trust him to take the best care of me that he can? Do I trust hom to not harm me?" They do not need to ask these questions, they just KNOW, it is innate, it is always there. It is being so safe, so loved, so protected that there is never any question about it. It is comfort, security, love at the most base levels. For me, for us, our Daddy-little girl is about that trust.

MsOpal

Thank you for a wonderful description of a beautiful way to inhabit that dynamic. I found it inspiring and I hope others do too.

(in reply to Argentopal)

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/13/2006 2:02:50 AM

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From: Syracuse, NY
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The two Daddy Doms i have been with were not sadistic (not to any extreme anyway) but that worked for us because i am not a masochist. Nor were the relationships particularly 'service' oriented.

That being said, there are some words i could use to describe my feelings in those relationships, things like loved, cherished, adored, proctected, safe, secure.

In my entire life, i never felt i could find a partner who could truly love me unconditionally (such as a parent does)....but i did find that in those relationships. i also had the feeling i would never be 'deserted'...and that was just such a good feeling

Ahhh...the good ol' days...lol. i always love talking about Daddy Doms. Brings back good memories for me

Daddysgirl

< Message edited by adaddysgirl -- 11/13/2006 2:15:53 AM >

(in reply to zbabe888)

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/13/2006 8:20:53 PM

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From: Lancaster, California
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It gets even more interesting when Daddy has tits. :)

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We live in a society of victimization, where people are much more comfortable being victimized than actually standing up for themselves.-- Marilyn Manson

(in reply to adaddysgirl)

RE: Daddy Doms - 11/14/2006 8:27:05 AM

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Joined: 8/30/2006
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ADG sums up alot of what i feel in my relationship with my Daddy/Master, or what he tries to foster in our relationship.... He wants me to know that Daddy won't leave and that He will always protect me...that He will always be my Daddy...He always wants me to feel warm and safe and secure. He loves and adores me.

Its very nurturing and sometimes the nurturing takes form in discipline (sometimes, rarely, in punishment as well)... Things such as disciplining for my own good, to make me a better slave and a better person. There is alot of love, snuggling and the like too. He also is helping me to grow up, to unlearn alot of misinformation that i had in my life when i grew up the first time and to teach me a new and different way. Truly he is Daddy-ing me, raising me and doing much more for me than my real daddy ever thought of doing.

In turn, i care for his needs in any way i possibly can. i do my best to obey (which isn't always easy for me because i don't trust easily and am very inquisitive, but slowly, with his patience, i am getting there) i ALWAYS respect him. He has truly changed me into someone i always knew could be there but who'd been alluding me. This person is softer, sweeter and more sensitive. she is also stronger and beginning to have less fear and less walls built up to protect her.

_____________________________

For today i won't say but...
For today i wont say just...
For today i will simply obey....
For today i will trust that You are right...
For always i will be your imperfect slave

http://www.mycollarspace.com

(in reply to WildnWicked)

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