The Loving Dom

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onestandingstill -> The Loving Dom (8/16/2006 7:13:33 AM)
Hi All, I read this and feel indeed this is the dynamic I want to share in my D/s relationships. I've often heard here in the boards a lot of people feel to love a sub is not only not necessary, but not preferred period. For me to want to submit my whole being, all of my mind, spirit, will, and body to someone I need to feel loved. If not, to me it's just playing with a friend. Without the loving connection I just don't feel the same depth in my submission to a Dom. My gift to the Dom I serve has to be my whole world or not at all. I need to feel I am a loved, and important part of his world too. To really connect I have the desire to be able to reflect his love for me, back to him and feel the energy exchange I seek to be whole. How many of you feel a M/s or D/s relationship works better without love? How many think love is an important ingredient in the dynamic you need for this type of relationship to work for you as I do? On Love, and D/S <deleted, replaced by link> [Mod Note: Please do not post copyrighted works here in their entirety, post a link to the material's source.]

KatyLied -> RE: The Loving Dom (8/16/2006 7:18:12 AM)
For me, love has been very difficult to find in my life. I don't know if it's my standards that are set too high or if love is really an elusive thing for me. That being said, I need to feel a great deal of affection for the person I submit to. And I need to feel that the person I'm submitting to values me and feels affection for me. So, I don't think that love is a necessary ingredient. I know though, that this will not be choosing the popular side.

Homestead -> RE: The Loving Dom (8/16/2006 7:20:07 AM)
Love is not an entitlement.

onestandingstill -> RE: The Loving Dom (8/16/2006 7:24:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Homestead Love is not an entitlement. You don't feel we are entitled to be loved?

LaTigresse -> RE: The Loving Dom (8/16/2006 7:34:55 AM)
We are not entitled to be loved. We may desire to be loved but we are not entitled to it. If I am in an intimate relationship with someone, I also want to have a deep emotional attachment. To love them and feel that love is returned. I do not NEED to be in a relationship, I do not need sex nor do I need BDSM play. Therefor for me to wait until I have all of the ingredients that please and fulfill me is not a problem. There are many that feel they need play and/or sex regardless of a deep love connection. I do not view this as a bad thing or in any way less than my own needs/desires, just different.

darkinshadows -> RE: The Loving Dom (8/16/2006 7:36:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onestandingstill quote: ORIGINAL: Homestead Love is not an entitlement. You don't feel we are entitled to be loved? No one is 'entitled' to be loved. Love is a blessing. Peace and Rapture

Yang4yin -> RE: The Loving Dom (8/16/2006 7:37:26 AM)
Love, or at the very least, a strong emotional connection, makes any relationship better. Although I suppose it may happen someday, I've never even "played" without the connection.

Homestead -> RE: The Loving Dom (8/16/2006 7:43:14 AM)
I need to feel understood and respected to have a connection. Love is the icing on the cake-not the cake.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: The Loving Dom (8/16/2006 7:44:44 AM)
These topics all deal with the issue of love and authority dynamics: http://www.collarchat.com/m_499831/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#499881 Don't fall in love with your dom http://www.collarchat.com/m_477568/mpage_3/key_love/tm.htm#484997 How common is it to fall in love with a submissive or dominant? http://www.collarchat.com/tm.asp?m=423736&mpage=1&key=love&#423879 Love and Ms http://www.collarchat.com/m_282567/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#282615 submissive/slave romantic love http://www.collarchat.com/m_269031/mpage_1/key_love%252Csubmission/tm.htm#269120 Falling in love with Mistress http://www.collarchat.com/m_248492/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#248492 true love in a relationship http://www.collarchat.com/m_236486/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#236486 balancing commitment and love http://www.collarchat.com/m_199915/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#199915 love in bdsm http://www.collarchat.com/m_166085/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#166085 love and D/s http://www.collarchat.com/m_65043/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#65043 love and bdsm (the unfettered heart) http://www.collarchat.com/m_150281/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#150281 Is it normal to fall in love with your dom during training? http://www.collarchat.com/m_125880/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#125880 not allowed to love him, what do I do? http://www.collarchat.com/m_119832/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#119832 being owned or being loved http://www.collarchat.com/m_97124/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#97124 subs/masochists and love http://www.collarchat.com/m_31285/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#31285 can love get in the way? http://www.collarchat.com/m_14998/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#14998 love in d/s http://www.collarchat.com/m_2491/mpage_1/key_love/tm.htm#2491 is love important in a relationship?

Chaingang -> RE: The Loving Dom (8/16/2006 7:47:17 AM)
Love is overrated. Hugely. I'd rather get my daily needs met. I expect that if a relationship lasts long enough some type of mutual affection is more than likely, so I don't worry the "love" issue. If it comes, it comes - if not I am still getting what I want anyway, love or no love. In terms of past lessons learned I have certainly been in love and not gotten what I wanted from a relationship. So now I work it in reverse. Love is like a madness, and I don't really care for that level of emotional restraint. Love is a mug's game. What you need to do is love yourself. It's not impossible that "love" is enjoying how we feel about and in ourselves in relation to another. What if you could carry that feeling around with you always? Love yourself in relation to yourself - then, liking yourself in relation to someone else is just an extra.

twicehappy -> RE: The Loving Dom (8/16/2006 7:48:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onestandingstill For me to want to submit my whole being, all of my mind, spirit, will, and body to someone I need to feel loved. If not, to me it's just playing with a friend. This is true for me as well.

Homestead -> RE: The Loving Dom (8/16/2006 7:51:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Chaingang Love is overrated. Hugely. I'd rather get my daily needs met. I expect that if a relationship lasts long enough some type of mutual affection is more than likely, so I don't worry the "love" issue. If it comes, it comes - if not I am still getting what I want anyway, love or no love. In terms of past lessons learned I have certainly been in love and not gotten what I wanted from a relationship. So now I work it in reverse. Love is like a madness, and I don't really care for that level of emotional restraint. Love is a mug's game. What you need to do is love yourself. It's not impossible that "love" is enjoying how we feel about and in ourselves in relation to another. What if you could carry that feeling around with you always? Love yourself in relation to yourself - then, liking yourself in relation to someone else is just an extra. Nodding, affection is a good thing. Something that twists my ability to distance myself, and see the big picture is psychotic.

Bearlee -> RE: The Loving Dom (8/16/2006 7:58:12 AM)
Yup, me too twice! And..... I think that Lord HamiltonZ person nailed it!

sleazybutterfly -> RE: The Loving Dom (8/16/2006 7:59:06 AM)
I have had sex for fun, and sex with someone I loved. Both were good, though fulfilling in different ways. The same goes for "playing", both ways are good, but different. This does not mean I was void of feelings for them, but I certainly had not fallen in love with them, nor they with me. I can have an affection for someone and still find a lot of pleasure in the experience. Love is nice, it's wonderful, but it's not required for me to enjoy myself. The best sexual experience I have had, was with a one night-stand, but the best "play" experiece was with a Dom I loved. Now, I hold bad feelings for the Dom, but the other I hold in a nice happy place always. If you expect love from others, you will be let down. You put that person in a box of what they should feel and then obligation comes in. Sometimes, it's just nice to "be", to just enjoy the moment and what comes with it.

heartfeltsub -> RE: The Loving Dom (8/16/2006 12:53:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Bearlee Yup, me too twice! And..... I think that Lord HamiltonZ person nailed it! He is known on here as EvilGeoff. LordHamiltonZ was his old lifestyle personna.

KnightofMists -> RE: The Loving Dom (8/16/2006 12:56:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onestandingstill How many of you feel a M/s or D/s relationship works better without love? How many think love is an important ingredient in the dynamic you need for this type of relationship to work for you as I do? Some may say Love is a hiderance to the dynamic. But, for me... I would say that Love is a fundamental aspect of my M/s Relationships. I couldn't imagine myself having this type of relationship without Love being apart of it.

behindmirrors -> RE: The Loving Dom (8/16/2006 1:00:36 PM)
I was in love with the man who is now my Dom before he was my Dom and I became his submissive. I don't think I could have submitted to him if that love was not there- not because I am not inclined to do so, but because it took time to fall in love, and time to trust him as completely as I do. If that had not been established- the connection and trust- I don't think I could have started down this road, as much as I had fantasized about it. I needed that to be in place so that I would feel safe giving myself to him. behindmirrors.

Vancouver_cinful -> RE: The Loving Dom (8/16/2006 1:02:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: onestandingstill How many of you feel a M/s or D/s relationship works better without love? How many think love is an important ingredient in the dynamic you need for this type of relationship to work for you as I do? This is something I've finally had to accept in the last year. Now that I know what it's like to love my dom, and know how deeply and ongoing that dynamic is with or without chains and spankings, I'm no longer happy submitting to my casual playmates. I still enjoy S/m play, and a little kinky sex, with my casual playmates, but only to a light degree. I can playfully submit to them in small ways for the duration of a scene, but outside of that it's now understood that they have no hope in getting a deeper submission from me. I find this a bit frustrating, and occasionally I try to fight it, but the reality is that submission is how I show love, affection, and loyalty in my realtionships. It's not going to happen with my playmates, even if I wish it would. So, while I support those who wish to have a love-less D/s dynamic, I know it's not for me.

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