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SexyRed -> RE: What does love got to do with it? (8/19/2006 10:36:13 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: gracefulspydr
Love tends to bring about loyalty then one would usually
have with dealing with anybody that you know. You can love
and not like, as a wise man once told me. But to put it into
a D/s or an M/s relationship brings upon a different dynamic
within it. It also brings more loyalty and to many a way to
be able to obey a lot easier and smoothly. Though it can work
without love and all of its subsidiaries, it does tend to
work a little more smoothly with the love, which has the
like imbued into it. Now how does love actually influence
a D/s or M/s relationship?
I find this a very interesting question. I experienced the "love without liking", as your wise man has put it, in my last relationship. It was also the most intense BDSM relationship I have ever had.
The only way I can answer your query as to how love influenced the relationship is to say that it became very complicated. I have no idea why I thought I loved this man, I know I lusted for him and LOVED the BDSM connection, so I think I used the feeling of love to justify being with someone who I knew, deep inside, was not right for me.
I think that people often fool themselves into thinking they are in love, when in reality it is just attachment to the feeling that is engendered by an intense connection to another.
This is why so many relationships are doomed, because the partners did not have that basic "like" , which cements the love bond.
In BDSM, I think the necessity to have the feelings you want to feel, inflames the feeling of love, even though it is not necessarily real. It also makes for manipulation from the Dom side as well as the sub side, when it is unhealthy.
I hope I made sense, I am dead tired.
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