submissive vs slave

Join Our Community

Collarchat.com

Home Login Search

submissive vs slave

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> submissive vs slave

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

submissive vs slave - 11/5/2006 7:12:39 PM

Posts: 65
Joined: 10/21/2006
Status: offline

I am new to this lifestyle but have felt submissive as far back as i can remember. What i am uncertain about now is do i want to be a submissive or a slave? Part of the problem is that i am not at all sure that i really understand the difference. i am a professional with a career and during the day must actually run things but once out of my professional role i am willing even eager to relinquish control to another, i think completely. i would appreciate the input of others in both roles both about the differences in the role and their own feelings about their role.

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/5/2006 8:02:37 PM

Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

hmmm. It will be interesting to see the various responses of how others define submissive and slave. My own definition is that submissives have more control of their daily lives. i define myself as slave, meaning my Master can dictate my life financially, who my friends are, where i live, what i wear or don't wear, the length and color of my hair, my daily activities, etc. But perhaps submissives give up the same rights? i'm not sure.

If it helps, i started out as submissive, meaning i maintained control of my daily life, but as the relationship deepened, He took more and more control of my life and we discovered how fitting that was for us.
My advice is let it evolve over time. Its hard to know what to expect when you're new. What seems wonderful in fantasy may turn out to be not to your liking in reality, and what you thought you'd never do, you may find yourself eager to do. It's a wonderful process of self discovery, and a year or two from now, you will likely have grown and changed in ways you've never dreamed of. Good luck to you....it's so exciting being new!!!!

(in reply to SweetBobbie)

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/5/2006 8:14:41 PM

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

That's something I've been wondering about too, so many thanks for posting the question. I look foward to seeing what more experienced folks have to say!

(in reply to darksdesire)

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/5/2006 8:16:55 PM

Posts: 18
Joined: 11/2/2006
Status: offline

darkdesire has it nailed to me. i have only been a relatively inexperienced submissive but i have just been informed of an extent of daily, bodily, and other control that will be coming over time that i would loosely differentiate as being slavery. my only hesitation is that, to me, true slavery involves a 24/7 and complete relinquishment of rights ... complete. i would not sign up for slavery as my current living situation would not permit it (kids) ... but, that said, i now see the top of the slope that could leads me to it in a few years and if all works out, i have no desire to change this path.

(in reply to darksdesire)

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/5/2006 8:57:12 PM

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

Now this applies to my own view of the definitions so take what you like and toss the rest.
The definative difference is are you Owned.
If you submit without believeing you are owned you are a submisive. (not a single thing wrong with that)
If you are Owned, then you are a slave in my book reguardless of what title you choose to use for yourself.

That said I'll respect any title you choose to use for yourself and make the translation in my head. I will likely never tell you any different unless you ask the direct question.

Slaves as owned have given over the right to make decissions to their owner up to the point where they choose to leave the relationship. So it behooves a slave to choose who they give that power over to and to make the decission with solem sober and full thought. That does not mean that a slave cannot have any professional employment or that their children have to be given away or suffer under the situation. Select an owner with the eye firmly evaluating what ownership means to them and what their philosophy of ownership and ethical use of their slave would be.

Personally I would have more use for a professional level slave who can also serve domesticly than a domestic slave who works at that 24/7.

The ethical stance is simplest to explain with the example of You could relinquish the right over your life a death to a Ghandi. Because you know it would be in safe hands. So giving yourself to someone completely can be done if you take the possition that you will investigate the person's heart, mind and soul to the point where you are satisfied that their ethics are strong enough and their personal standards high enough to allow them that control, and not until.

In Leather

Archer

(in reply to kirkzhom)

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/5/2006 8:59:26 PM

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

Dear SB -

So many have wondered the same thing, as did I at one time. There isn't any one definition that will "fit" for everyone, but I can tell you how it is defined in my relationship with Daddy.

We began in a Dom/sub relationship, where I deferred things to Him if there was a choice to be made in the more "day to day" things (not particularly critical matters). I was in control of my "limits" and what they were and when enough was enough. As time progressed, I became more trusting of His sound decision making, etc., and felt that I was very comfortable handing over more things that I retained control over. In April, the decision was made to change some of the dynamics in our relationship and move toward the Master/slave variety. In our M/s world, He retains ultimate control over limits that we have. He makes the decisions and I will follow those decisions. That being said, He and I have been together for 4 years next June and know each other very well, so the trust is very solid. I retain who I am in the rest of my world (mother, daughter, sister, friend, employee, etc.) and He doesn't ask of me anything that would compromise any of those relationships.

For me, I can be all of those people, and still be a slave to my Master.

Super fast reply:
For us...
submissive = sub sets limits, etc.
slave = Master/Mistress sets limits, etc. within the boundaries of trust and respect for them both

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to SweetBobbie)

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/5/2006 9:05:11 PM

Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Archer

So it behooves a slave to choose who they give that power over to and to make the decission with solem sober and full thought.

So giving yourself to someone completely can be done if you take the possition that you will investigate the person's heart, mind and soul to the point where you are satisfied that their ethics are strong enough and their personal standards high enough to allow them that control, and not until.

So very true...

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut

(in reply to Archer)

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/5/2006 9:50:52 PM

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Ask and ye shall receive.

Read all of these and then tell me if you find more clarity:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_629559/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cslave/tm.htm#629565
What's the difference between a slave and a submissive?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_586226/mpage_1/key_slave%252Csub/tm.htm#586267
Curious, sub v slave?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_515303/mpage_1/key_slave/tm.htm#515333
What is the difference?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_308296/mpage_1/key_slave%252Csub/tm.htm#309867
sub or slave?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_342405/mpage_1/key_slave%252Csub/tm.htm#342794
~slave vs sub~

http://www.collarchat.com/m_410567/mpage_1/key_slave%252Csub/tm.htm#410982
slave or sub

http://www.collarchat.com/m_497775/mpage_1/key_submissive%252Cslave/tm.htm#497977
I'm new to this but...

http://www.collarchat.com/m_366860/mpage_1/key_slave%252Csub/tm.htm#366893
Difference bet/submission and slave?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_365776/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cslave/tm.htm#366767
slub question

http://www.collarchat.com/m_281198/mpage_1/key_slave%252Csub/tm.htm#281512
difference between slave and submissive

http://www.collarchat.com/m_251014/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cslave/tm.htm#251062
definition of "slave"

What's the difference between slaves and submissives?

Submissive or slave?

Slaves versus submissive

Submissive or slave? (2)

Submissive vs slave (2)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to SweetBobbie)

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/5/2006 9:58:40 PM

Posts: 943
Joined: 9/25/2004
From: Calgary, Alberta
Status: offline

wow, it's been a long time since i posted anything on the boards and i miss it.

from what i have learned over the years a slave has no rights other than to not take her own life, to seek medical attention when needed, and to beg release if not happy in his/her relationship. (now i know there will be some who may not agree and that's cool cause we are all entitled to our opinions).

a submissive has not only more control in their lives but also are allowed more freedom in their relationship to speak up and be heard than a slave.

as a slave i'm asked for my opinion or thoughts on a subject and He weighs what i have said against His own thoughts, etc and makes the decision from there.

some slaves are not allowed limits (i am one of them, but there are limits He will not cross that are His limits), some are........submissives are allowed all the limits in the world if they so choose.

that's all i am going to say at this time due to the pain i'm in from having multiple gall stones which come out soon ......yay no more pain lol

Blessed Be, Take Care, Have Fun ,Play Hard and be as Wickedly Evil as Possible.

_____________________________

The Path To Being A Good slave Takes Hard Work, A Willingness To Learn, Ability To Take Criticism and the Ability To Take Punishments Well. i Am Still Learning So Please Be Patient With me, As i Walk the Path to Being A good slave. SLRN: 742 958 000

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/5/2006 11:35:19 PM

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cariad

wow, it's been a long time since i posted anything on the boards and i miss it.

from what i have learned over the years a slave has no rights other than to not take her own life, to seek medical attention when needed, and to beg release if not happy in his/her relationship. (now i know there will be some who may not agree and that's cool cause we are all entitled to our opinions).
Not true. A slave can have rights that are negotioated beforehand
.
a submissive has not only more control in their lives but also are allowed more freedom in their relationship to speak up and be heard than a slave.
Still not true. A slave can speak up for themselves when asked appropiately to do so.
as a slave i'm asked for my opinion or thoughts on a subject and He weighs what i have said against His own thoughts, etc and makes the decision from there.

some slaves are not allowed limits (i am one of them, but there are limits He will not cross that are His limits), some are........submissives are allowed all the limits in the world if they so choose.

That may be for you but not others. I have my Master's limits. Still limits though.

that's all i am going to say at this time due to the pain i'm in from having multiple gall stones which come out soon ......yay no more pain lol

Blessed Be, Take Care, Have Fun ,Play Hard and be as Wickedly Evil as Possible.

What is dynamics in one relationship is not in another. Nothing is as concrete as you stated. No one agrees on the difference between a sub and slave. What is the definition for one is not for another.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to cariad)

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/6/2006 8:00:50 AM

Posts: 326
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

LuckyAlbatross, you are a fountain of overflowing resources!!!! i so appreciate that you take the time to do that in so many posts!

(in reply to sweetnurseBBW)

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/6/2006 9:43:52 AM

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

OK, normally I try to stay away from 100% definition threads and especially the sub vs slave, or the mother of all defintion fights. But I had a great weekend and I am in a great mood and I am wanting to write about this today.

My personal opinion and only my personal opinion in a rambling form...

If you keep things separated in your relationship between the life and real life, in situations it does not have to be, then you are a sub.
If you have negotiated everything in your life to what is controlled and not and if anything new comes up your first thought is do I want this to be controlled by someone else, you are a sub.
If you basically just negotiate hard limits and absolute boundaries then you are a slave.
If you submit to BDSM or other things mainly for the physical pleasure it brings you are probably submissive. If you submit to please your significant other and to feed off their pleasure you are probably a slave.
If more things are about how you feel and if you like it then your are submissive. If most things are thought about if the other will like or enjoy it then you are a slave.

Again just one person's opinion and nothing more, but to me ragarless of clearly defined aspects the difference I see when I talk to subs or slaves is an over all mind set and not some sort of set of rules.

Lin

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to darksdesire)

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/6/2006 10:01:32 AM

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Now this applies to my own view of the definitions so take what you like and toss the rest.
The definative difference is are you Owned.
If you submit without believeing you are owned you are a submisive. (not a single thing wrong with that)
If you are Owned, then you are a slave in my book reguardless of what title you choose to use for yourself.

I thought it was important to point out that many submissives do not label themselves slaves in a fully collared Ds dynamic. When I am collared I will not call myself a slave as for me that is a loaded and offensive term (I have no problem with how others label themselves). I wanted to point out that not everyone agrees with Archer, and take another's labels with a grain of salt because they really do not mean anything to you in your life and in your future dynamic.

For those of you who are new, find out about yourself, your needs, your desires, find a compatible partner for your personality and don't worry about the label at first. You will form your own opinions of who you are and where you fit, and these might be influenced by whomever you have dominate you, but never compromise the core of yourself.

No one agrees what makes a slave or a sub... you will read these definitions and decide what makes sense to you, as all people do.. and remember opinions are like assholes.. we all have one.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 11/6/2006 10:02:20 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Archer)

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/6/2006 10:32:11 AM

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

LOL I figured tht the:

"Now this applies to my own view of the definitions so take what you like and toss the rest."

and

"That said I'll respect any title you choose to use for yourself and make the translation in my head. I will likely never tell you any different unless you ask the direct question."

covered that but certainly some might have skipped over the disclaimers on both sides and needed another.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/6/2006 12:29:53 PM

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

No Archer, some of us do not need to label other people's dynamics because we do not care what they do in their relationship, I do not wonder or worry about other people's dynamics.

I have a personal relationship with my Daddy, it means nothing to me what anyone else thinks of it.... period, end of story for me.. others can label away, I do not care about their opinion and I know my Daddy doesn't. I think that view should be presented, just as your view was.

I believe that when people first start out investigating WIITWD they should not get caught up in the differences between sub and slave... that is my opinion.. other people label us what they will no matter what we think about it.. we have no control over what others think of us or their perceptions.. we only control ourselves

Your opinion is just as valid as mine on this board, I hope you did not feel I was stating it wasn't. I was using your words to highlight that not all of us feel that way. I can think of several submissives on this board that will never be called "slave" yet consider themselves owned... that was my point.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Archer)

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/6/2006 12:53:26 PM

Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline

We will likely never come to agreement on the issue and that is fine, but the idea
"some of us do not need to label other people's dynamics because we do not care what they do in their relationship" implies I care about what they do and that is a false impression I don't care what they do.
(within reason if their actions bring the law against the community then maybe)
I have some care about the language used to covey what they do.

Your tollerance for flexible definitions contrasted with my intollerance for the confussion they create is it seems always to be an impasse. And that is all well and good plenty of room for different ideas.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/6/2006 4:42:44 PM

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Difference between submissive and slave

the ubmissi in submissive and the lav in slave

there you have it a spelling lesson from she who cant spell anything

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to Archer)

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/6/2006 6:08:02 PM

Posts: 65
Joined: 10/21/2006
Status: offline

Thank you all for your information, especially LuckyAlbatross. i am especially imprerssed by the personal viewpoints wich help me understand myself much more clearly. i suspect in many ways that i aspire to a relationship that many would call slave but i am not sure that i am comfortable at this time wth the term. Most importantly i do plan to move slowly into this new realm and let myself grow with my experience.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/6/2006 7:52:59 PM

Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetBobbie

..... i suspect in many ways that i aspire to a relationship that many would call slave but i am not sure that i am comfortable at this time wth the term. Most importantly i do plan to move slowly into this new realm and let myself grow with my experience.

Have you thought much about finding situations for you to be with and observe others in different roles, regardless of what they call themselves? or the next step of spending some time in the different roles for experience, or practice, or training?

i found myself identifying as a submissive (not owned/no Master) but wondering about a deeper level of service and power exchange for me. i found places to watch others, visit with them, spend time with them.. Then.. i sought out training as a slave, and slave service opportunities.. so i could do more then just think or talk about it.. The more i saw it close up and the more i experienced it the more i knew it was what i was, who i was..

I worry less now about titles and terms. However, it is important to know YOUR definition so when talking with others you can explain your definition and then you can have a conversation being on the same page.

~ann

(in reply to SweetBobbie)

RE: submissive vs slave - 11/7/2006 9:31:07 PM

Posts: 297
Joined: 8/30/2006
Status: offline

There are alot of great posts on this thread so far and not much mud slinging either which is nice.

i personally agree with Archer and toserv. i am a slave, and completely comfy with the term (but then that's me and i also have total respect for julia in not liking the term at all)

To sweetbobbie, (and maybe julia too) since you aren't comfortable with the actual term "slave what about this option... "TPE submissive" or "24/7 submissive", (for sweetbobbie's benefit, Total Power Exchange) At the onset each slave is submissive (unless i totally missed the boat i think that's something that is agreed upon[?] if not my bad) and if you are in the type of relationship that by alot of definitions would constitute slavery (such as a TPE type relationshsip) then could that be a choice?

Also, about your work outside of the home, as long as you choose the best fit for yourself when you choose to surrender to a Master (such as Archer stated) and find one who would be okay with you working and being who you are out side the home then i don't see where it would be a conflict...

If you chose to marry you would make certain that the one you chose to marry had more than one basic quality you needed in a mate and you should chose a Master in the same way. Just because one is dominant doesn't mean that you've found the right one for you, no more than a Catholic girl finding a Catholic man to marry would maake that match suitable without other factors. So do yourself a favor as you search and find the one that would suit your needs because the better you choose the better you will be able to serve.

And i know i'm being a little long winded but, i'll add this; my Daddy had other slaves and subs prior to me and then he decided that the next one he got (me) would be as close to what he was looking for when he found her.

Think about that as you're looking, think about what you need and what is most important to you in a partner and then think more as to what ALSO would be most important to you in a partner that you will serve and give over all your control to.

< Message edited by charismagirrl -- 11/7/2006 9:32:47 PM >

_____________________________

For today i won't say but...
For today i wont say just...
For today i will simply obey....
For today i will trust that You are right...
For always i will be your imperfect slave

http://www.mycollarspace.com

(in reply to goodpet)

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> submissive vs slave

Page: [1] 2 3 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2024

Terms of Service

0.426