why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Masters?

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why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Masters? - 4/10/2007 12:21:41 AM

dontwannafall

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it has only been five months that He has claimed me as His and i've fallen in love with Him. does this happen frequently? why does the relationship between a Dom/sub cultivates an overwhelming love?

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RE: why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 12:38:08 AM

WhiplashSmile

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Love is an emotion that overcomes us at times. When we feel a special bond and connection with another human being. It's somebody we care about, think about, and think the world about.

People in the BDSM lifestyle, when they find a match, they know they have found a match at times. For one you get to share a lot of yourself with another on deeper levels. Levels that you would not share or would be afraid of sharing with the best of Vanilla Friends. The person you are with, accepts you for who you really are inside. Once you start establishing a deep level of communication and trust is growing, you'll be amazed at how the word LOVE pops into the picture.

When two people can share the depth of their own naked souls with each other. When two people find themselves drawn to one another. When two people simply click together and click well. BDSM allows you talk openly and honestly about the good and bad inside a person. At least it should. You get to be open about D/s or M/s dynamics, activities enjoyeds, limits and etc. Just not BDSM limits, when you start thinking in terms of limits and apply it to day to day life you'd be amazed at how far it goes.

The question is, is Love a limit for you or not?

< Message edited by WhiplashSmile -- 4/10/2007 12:40:23 AM >

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RE: why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 2:17:28 AM

eyesopened

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i think WhiplashSmile really said it best. When a sincere Master/slave relationship clicks, there is so much shared on a deeper level. i know for myself, having to be so open that i reveal all my faults and imperfections, to be so vulnerable and when that trust is rewarded the only feeling left is one of pure love. At least that is the way it happens for me.

Only a few short months and i fell in love with my Master, a feeling i thought was lost forever. And although my Master released me abruptly and for what feels like no reason at all, i am strangely still loving Him and strangely not heartbroken that He 'dumped' me because right now i am just happy that i found emotions i thought i would never have again. For that i am truely grateful.

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RE: why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 2:28:11 AM

bandit25

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I don't know if I agree that it's on a deeper level than vanilla, but I do think we get there a bit faster. We're more open because we have to be. At least I think that's the reason. Anyway, I just want to point out that this isn't limited to submissives. Many doms fall in love with their submissives just as quickly.

(in reply to eyesopened)

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RE: why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 2:49:18 AM

MyMasterStephen

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I believe that a D/s or M/s relationship simply cannot function properly unless the two people are in love.

The things we do for each other, with each other, to each other, can only be done out of love and a desire to please and bring fulfilment.

And yes, this applies just as much to the Dom as to the sub.

(in reply to dontwannafall)

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RE: why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 3:52:08 AM

subtill

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From: Germany
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Love in my heart is the Power of dominants,like the dominants power of aFemale,who will ownes myself in future.The second power is the extream submissive feelings in my heart for the Female. Both togeather makes myself real like a domestic animal for Her,if my heart is burning for HER.If i fall in love for a Female,however and whereever its happened i am REAL noothing more like her domestic animal in house,who loves her,and she loves her animal

(in reply to MyMasterStephen)

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RE: why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 4:05:53 AM

curiouslyseeking

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MyMasterStephen

I believe that a D/s or M/s relationship simply cannot function properly unless the two people are in love.

The things we do for each other, with each other, to each other, can only be done out of love and a desire to please and bring fulfilment.

And yes, this applies just as much to the Dom as to the sub.

Greetings to MyMasterStephen and to everyone.

I totally disagree that a D/s or M/s cannot function properly without being in love.

I do agree there is a different kind of bond, even intense bond created by experiences, but not to be confused with love in all cases.

I do believe at times people take "love"... wayyyyyy too lightly. It's a rarity to find "enduring" love between people anymore.

I've had 3 wonderful long-term relationships, some even addicted to, but being in love played no part.

So, when the question is asked why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Masters.....that's not always the case.

A submissive is very fortunate when she finds her love Dominant/Master. For me, it's not something that happens with every crack of the whip.

well wishes,
~curious~

< Message edited by curiouslyseeking -- 4/10/2007 4:10:56 AM >

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RE: why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 7:09:31 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dontwannafall
it has only been five months that He has claimed me as His and i've fallen in love with Him. does this happen frequently?

With him? I don't know. With people in general? Yes.

quote:

why does the relationship between a Dom/sub cultivates an overwhelming love?

(in reply to dontwannafall)

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RE: why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 7:32:18 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dontwannafall

it has only been five months that He has claimed me as His and i've fallen in love with Him. does this happen frequently? why does the relationship between a Dom/sub cultivates an overwhelming love?

Why do people get engaged when they've only been dating each other five or six months? Why do 18 year olds get married?

The dom/sub relationship doesn't cultivate love any more then a marriage does. The people in it do.

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(in reply to dontwannafall)

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RE: why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 7:47:08 AM

toservez

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This life does not make us any different or better then regular life. A person looking for love or can only open themselves up when in love is going to be the same in this life as a regular one. It might feel this life makes it deeper or more special but it is almost certainly the reason it feels that way because you have just found something that fits you better.

Some, probably most, need love in their lives, some do perfectly fine with casual relationships and some have long term relationships that have little or no deep love. It is about what works best for the people involved and what makes them happy.

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(in reply to AquaticSub)

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RE: why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 8:00:08 AM

SirDominic

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Yes, it happens often, and often happens this quickly. Someone who is naturally submissive is often overwhelmed emotionally when a relationship with a Dom really clicks. The trust, the control, the care that a good Dom takes with their slave all push powerful emotional buttons.

As curious said, it doesn't happen with everyone. There are submissives who can separate love from the powerful emotions of this kind of relationship. Nothing wrong with that, they are just wired somewhat differently.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

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RE: Why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 8:11:44 AM

amayos

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From: New England
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dontwannafall

It has only been five months that He has claimed me as His and I've fallen in love with Him. Does this happen frequently? Why does the relationship between a Dom/sub cultivate an overwhelming love?

The love of a slave or submissive for his or her Keeper is right and good. It is the natural order of things in consensual servitude, and the only motive I trust to make that invisible leash, outside of fear. But without that deep and tireless affection, fear or desire alone is so often not enough. The right elements must share an amalgam to create a loyal servant, and love is above all the most important of them. Servitude without authentic love—without that force that moves your soul—becomes nothing more than an empty religion or an ephemeral thrill ride.

(in reply to dontwannafall)

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RE: why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 8:34:15 AM

curiouslyseeking

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDominic

As curious said, it doesn't happen with everyone. There are submissives who can separate love from the powerful emotions of this kind of relationship. Nothing wrong with that, they are just wired somewhat differently.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

Greetings SirDominic;

I was smiling because I hope that's wired in a good way ..

You made a very valid point, just because as a submissive, we dont "fall in love", it doesn't mean we go without feel or feelings.

"The powerful emotions" you state, I understand. I love the feeling of intense power of emotions and am a very responsive person.

It is my personal belief some submissives equate those powerful emotions as love because they don't know how else to define it.

In short, not falling in love definitely doesn't make you an ice queen.

Intensity,
~curious~

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RE: why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 9:05:14 AM

puella

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With all the replies to this OP (which I have not yet read) I am sure this has been covered but... oh well.

The problem I see with your question is the same problem I have with referring to a woman as 'a' submissive. I am submissive by nature, but I am 'a' woman.

Being submissive or dominant by nature should not impose restrictions, inherently, upon the range of human emotion you feel. In fact if it does, I maintain that you have an issue (or twelve) that you most likely are cloaking behind whatever title you have bestowed upon yourself.

Humans love. It is natural. It should be beautiful... loving passionately and profoundly is not something unique to BDSM or vanilla... it is unique to those with a soul.

< Message edited by puella -- 4/10/2007 9:06:36 AM >

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RE: why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 9:09:08 AM

mnottertail

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My pet rocks are without benefit of a soul, but they lay there enthralled by my being just the same-------

Ron

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RE: why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 9:12:25 AM

gypsygrl

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I differientiate between love and attachment. As a submissive, I work to cultivate my own attachment so even after a short time or limited interaction, it becomes very intense. To me, its part of the Dominance/submission dynamic. The emotions of attachment are much more ambivalent than love, and include both positive and negative feeling, which is why I distinguish between the two. Love is a subset of attachment.

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RE: why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 9:15:12 AM

ownedgirlie

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I can't help but hum "Why do Fools Fall in Love?" every time I see the title of this thread.

I can only speak for myself. I fell in love with him because he is an absolutely wonderful, genuine (ooh taboo word), caring, powerful, intelligent, awesome human being, who took me into his care and began opening all sorts of doors inside myself. I am in awe of him, intimidated by him, admiring of him, thrilled by him, and devoted to him. I look up to him, lean on him, respect him, and depend on him. I am continually eager to see him, talk to him, think about him, and serve him. He leads me to great places. He makes me laugh. He makes me cry. He makes me wild. He makes me joyous.

And that's just a start.

But why I began loving him all that time ago, I believe had a lot to do with the way I looked up to him, and the way he peeled my layers away...his ability to lay out a path for me - sternly and unyielding yet allowing me all the flexibility I needed to move as I needed to. I grew to love him because he let me, and because he accepted my love, and because I recognized this as the first healthy love and relationship I had ever experienced. What began as a decision to turn to him, based on want and desire, developed into a bond so strong it has created a need deep within me. This kind of love is the most beautiful I've known, and it exists because we both planted a seed, and together we nurtured it until it bloomed fantastically.

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RE: why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 9:23:53 AM

sleazybutterfly

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It's a bit hard for me to remember, but I believe I started serving M before I ever fell in love with him. The love came after we were able to be together all of the time, and really get to know each other. I don't think it's any deeper than the love I have felt with vanilla people, though since I have commited to spend my life with him, it is deeper in that way. I do know that serving him is even more special because the love has grown that we have for each other, but I served him in the same ways before it even sprouted.

Now with D, it's a bit different. I do care for him, but I don't love him. I will serve him and over time it might grow into love when the time comes to allow that. Only time will tell on that front. For now, I will just enjoy the type of relationship we have, and let the future take care of itself.

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Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

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RE: why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 9:26:10 AM

puella

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

My pet rocks are without benefit of a soul, but they lay there enthralled by my being just the same-------

Ron

Now Ron.. you know as well as I do that the etymological roots of the words enthrall and love are VASTLY different.

_____________________________

We must move forward, not backward, upward, not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom...... The Simpsons

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." ...Ambrose Bierce

"Don't you oppress me!"....Stan/Loretta

(in reply to mnottertail)

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RE: why do submissives fall in love with their Doms/Mas... - 4/10/2007 9:28:43 AM

mnottertail

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but it comes to the same end.

Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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