mp072004
Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005 Status: offline
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Humiliation is dependent on reaction in a way that other BDSM activities are not, as I'm sure many of the threads LA linked to indicated. While if I cut you, you will bleed, and if I tickle you, you will laugh, regardless of whether you are circumcised, if I spit on you, you will not, necessarily, feel embarrassed. Put differently, caning is about hitting people with canes, and regardless of whether the person being caned says "Ow," or feels pain, caning has happened. Humiliation, however, is defined by reactions. A bottom might respond to a top's requests to behave like a dog or to drink urine from a bowl on the floor; a top may deride a bottom as ugly, stupid, and incompetent, but humiliation has not happened unless the person being humiliated feels humiliated. Talk to your bottom and get him to tell you what sort of humiliation he finds erotic. Also, observe him. If he is insecure about something, then he would likely be embarrassed if you drew attention to that. Whether those feelings of humiliation would be *erotic* is a quite different matter. Incidentally, Missdeemark, I noticed that you refer to releasing anger as part of humiliation. If expressing anger toward your partner makes you feel uncomfortable, you may be able to express other emotions and still do effective humiliation. Pity has worked well for me. Monica
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