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tsatske -> RE: Humiliation and Degradation (6/5/2008 5:54:16 AM)
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In a seminar Master and i sat in recently on humiliation, the presenter talked about how our personality is held up by all these pillars. Humiliation is taking down the pillars. He talked about how everyone is different, but negotiation and getting to know someone should help you identify the 'central pillars', which taking down might cause real damage.
I have said before, for me, at the very core in humiliation play is, for me, it has to be someone who knows me well, and that i know, because at the base of it, i must 'know the truth'. call me a filthy whore - do you really think that i am filthy? disgusting? nasty? do you really think that i am the classic definition of a 'whore' - that i would do anyone, without using any judgement or discrimination? when i know the truth - you think i am just fucking hot- yes, my fantasies are dirty, and isn't that great - whatever, when i 'know the truth', you can say anything you want, and that is just okay.
The most basic type of humiliation play for me is just admitting to my dirtiest fantasies, laying in his arms and telling him - and sometimes having him react to them. Humiliation, to me, is having the person i love look at me, at my most naked, and say, 'yes, i love you anyway. I can accept that. no problem.'
Then there is a deeper humiliation play for me, that i had to ask him for. Had to actually, ask him for about a dozen times, till he finally heard that it wasn't just me mouthing a typical 'Master can do anything he wants, even this' kind of sex talk, but that i was actually asking for it. Then we had to sit down and talk, and he asked me 'why?', and the answers are the opposite of most humiliation play, they opposite of talk on this thread about being made humble - in fact, the answers, for this one type of humiliation play that i went to him to ask for, are embarrassing, because they are downright unsubby.
calling me fat - it's just somewhere he wasn't going to go, would never have went, without me asking for it. And it is still done rather tentatively by him, he is still feeling his way around. But what I get out of that, is strength. I don't belive he would do it, if it wasn't something he believed i had the power to change. He wouldn't be willing to humiliate me about something, unless it was either no big deal to me, or something i had the power to change. Say, if i had a horrible scar that i felt terribly self concise about, he would not go there. (okay, that might not be 100% true. I could see someone going there, if the thing they thought you had the 'power to change' was your reaction to and perception of it, but i digress.) It's a little like punishment is sometimes - if he punishes me for not getting a certain thing done, or doing things to a certain standard, clearly he believes i can. the humiliation is a kind of 'i believe in you' in my weight loss journey. And, well, the very unsubby part. I want him to enjoy it - that play. And i want to enjoy feeling, thinking - 'enjoy it now, i am going to take this away from you'. Yea, pretty unsub, huh? <grin> But it works for me, gives me strength. I can see how much he loves me when we play with this - and with any other humiliation.
Being fat is not a 'central pillar' for me. I know i am fat, but i do not view it as unchangeable, therefore i do not view it as essential to who i am, to my vision of myself.
My vanity, he teases me about, but that is pretty much the central pillar. When we attack that, my reactions are much more base, i am much less able to cope with that. And that is tough, because you can attack that kind of on accident, and have to backpedale quickly.
The seminar we went to, the woman who was helping him put on his demo, he called her stupid repeatedly. He mentioned, to the audience, in the course of humiliating her, that she was a teacher. 'Scary, huh? This stupid cunt is teaching our children.' And i thought, of course. 'Stupid' is not a limit for her, because she knows better. She knows she is smart. It's that 'as long as I know the truth' thing.
I even use it when i work with kids, all the time. When kids come to me to tattle that someone said something unkind about them - 'He said I am stupid!' I say, 'is it true?' and when they say "NO!' i say, 'good, go tell him that you do not listen to liars.'
So for me there is kind of two kinds of humiliation play - the stuff where it doesn't matter, because 'i know the truth', and stuff that is the truth, where either i can change it - or i am learning that he can accept it and love it, this part of me. standing as naked as i ever, ever get, and still feeling loved and accepted. now, that doesn't sound so horrible, does it?
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