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10 commandments for Newbies - 2/3/2007 7:30:50 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		A  very nice Dominanat acquaintance directed to me to this site.....www.sensual-service .com, on it, i found this.  It seemed like something worthy of passing on.  It can really apply to any lifestyle or walk of life.





© LadyMary03
I. THOU SHALT BE RELENTLESS IN YOUR SEARCH OF KNOWLEDGE ...for there are many who are willing and eager to guide and assist you in your search

II. THOU SHALT NOT BE HAUGHTY OF MIND ...for we all are still learning and growing. There is no shame in not knowing a right word or how to do something. Always keep an open and humble mind when it comes to learning.

III. THOU SHALT BE STEADFAST AND BOLD OF HEART ...for there are those who will try to humiliate you and belittle you for their egos sake. (example: "for a newbie-you sure have opinions" "newbies should be seen and not heard" "this isn't a beginners forum")

IV. THOU SHALT BE RESPECTFUL OF OTHERS ...for we should all respect each other as humans and as part of the same community. Even if opinions clash it is possible to disagree without being disagreeable keeping a sense of respect for one another.

V. THOU SHALT SEEK OUT THOSE OF LIKE KIND ...for there are chat rooms, munches, socials and parties readily available to give you an opportunity to make acquaintances. You are not alone.

VI. THOU SHALT NOT FEEL PRESSURED TO PERFORM FOR OTHERS SAKE ...for there are those who will mock where you are comfortable with. Perhaps you are only comfortable giving/taking mild spankings whereas an edge playing sadist/masochist may snub you feeling superior. They are not. The only right way to be is the right way for you!

VII. THOU SHALT NOT JUDGE LEST YE BE JUDGED ...for each relationship is special and unique between the people directly involved. As an observer you may not understand it but you don't have to as long as the people involved are in concensual agreement.

VIII. THOU SHALT BE KIND ONE TO ANOTHER ...for we are all part of the same community. Insults and Flaming weaken the whole. We are fortunate because we have 4 cheeks to turn thus we should be even more forgiving of each others faults.

IX. THOU SHALT BE ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS ...for with the availability of knowledge and the forums for opinions there is little reason to act in ignorance which may lead to unfortunate experiences. This means proper understanding of safe, sane and concensual play including negotiation and safewords and communicating your wants & needs efficiently. Do not assume others can read your every thought.

X. THOU SHALT BE TRUE TO YOURSELF ...for you are wonderful and unique in your individual way. There is no specific way a Dominant/Submissive must be. We are all distinctive jewels with our own remarkable personalities. There is no mold.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: 10 commandments for Newbies - 2/3/2007 8:08:29 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		The Four Agreements are often easier to remember and encompass all of the above. I like these:

Don't make assumptions.
Be impecable with your word.
Always do you best.
Don't take anything personaly.

Basically, this is telling you that life is about "your stuff". You only control you stuff and how you react to it. For others, life is about "their stuff" and how they react to it really has nothing to do with you...even if they're reacting to their stuff in a way that rejects or controls you. Simply do your best and live with integrity and know that you don't have to get wrapped up in their stuff.

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 2/3/2007 8:09:27 AM >

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: 10 commandments for Newbies - 2/3/2007 10:39:54 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Personally I'd be thrilled with just these two.  If I could ever get a single newbie to follow these two things, I think it would be an amazing success.

1)  Wait at least 6 months before you make a commitment to ANYONE.

2)  Read all of these threads.

My advice for Novice Female Submissives

Newbie!

At a loss

I'm a new domme seeking advice

Does a slave also have to be a fool?

sub: totally new concept

Questions for other newbies

The Journey

Starting Out

New to the Life, Help

How to deal?

Request for Advice

Advice please: Relationships, bdsm, love and boundaries

First time sub seeking you advice- how to find the right master?

First time sub seeking advice

a newbie seeking advice

How can I be a great sub?

Brand new life

Help needed

Emotional Rollercoaster

Welcoming newbies

New to this

Just a few questions

Do's and Dont's


_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: 10 commandments for Newbies - 2/3/2007 12:54:06 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		LA LA, you forgot Loki worship!

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: 10 commandments for Newbies - 2/3/2007 1:01:20 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		So which commandment is the one that makes me pee on people?

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
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RE: 10 commandments for Newbies - 2/3/2007 1:02:49 PM   
Wulfchyld


Posts: 2618
Joined: 12/7/2005
Status: offline 		13th Thou puppies shalt pee on biped legs.

_____________________________

Loki, forum god of Mischief

Submission is not a gift... it is plunder!
Where there is a whip, there is a way!
Dom/mes of a feather, beat the f*ck out of slaves together


(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: 10 commandments for Newbies - 2/3/2007 1:25:15 PM   
Firebirdseeking


Posts: 477
Joined: 9/3/2006
Status: offline 		I want to add some thoughts to this great post.
1.  ask a lot of questions
2.  Does his behavior match his words?  behavior is always more significant than words.
3.  Look at his relationship history; has he had healthy D/s relationships in the past; and for that matter, when he was vanilla, were those relationships healthy?
4.  Is he in control of his emotions?  Insightful?  If he is does not know himself thoroughly, he will not be able to dominate or control you.
5.  Long substance abuse history?  He will revert to "using" behaviors even if not using when he is under stress. 
6.  Does he have realistic expectations of himself and you?
7.  Does he take care of his own personal business or does he procrastinate?  if he doesnt take care of business he wont be able to take care of you.
8.  Someone who is serious about finding the right submissive will want to hear your voice.  On the phone.  Get used to it.

I am a newbie and this is what I have learned recently. 

(in reply to spankmepink11)
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RE: 10 commandments for Newbies - 2/3/2007 1:27:25 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		They eleventh commandment, do not take any absolutes as absolutes.

There is nothing in those ten that is not course 101 in common sense, human behavior or class and common decency and many overlapping into all three.

I know this is on the bitter side but this is just another sad writing of a dominant thinking they have infinite wisdom.

These commandments are good for ALL roles and genders. It is called life.


< Message edited by toservez -- 2/3/2007 1:28:09 PM >

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to Wulfchyld)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: 10 commandments for Newbies - 2/3/2007 8:59:18 PM   
SeveredNeuron


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/6/2005
Status: offline 		Following this, there really should be a info page for newbies on CM, i know there are lots of introductary pages on the web, but most people either do not realise they are there, or can't be bothered looking.

Alot of people jump in the deep end not realising what D/s really entails.

My own additions:
1. Always trust yourself (your gut especially!)
2. If they can't accept a no, run!
3. Always let someone know where you are and call you mid way through a meeting just to make sure nothing weird is happening.
4. Don't let yourself carried away, knights in shining armour tend to be very reflective and use glare to stun you :P

*mwah!*

--Ania

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: 10 commandments for Newbies - 2/3/2007 10:03:16 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

The Four Agreements are often easier to remember and encompass all of the above. I like these:

Don't make assumptions.
Be impecable with your word.
Always do you best.
Don't take anything personaly.

Basically, this is telling you that life is about "your stuff". You only control you stuff and how you react to it. For others, life is about "their stuff" and how they react to it really has nothing to do with you...even if they're reacting to their stuff in a way that rejects or controls you. Simply do your best and live with integrity and know that you don't have to get wrapped up in their stuff.

Master Fire


This book, along with its companion book, was some of the best reading I have ever done.  I recommend it to everybody.

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: 10 commandments for Newbies - 2/3/2007 10:29:28 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

The Four Agreements are often easier to remember and encompass all of the above. I like these:

Don't make assumptions.
Be impecable with your word.
Always do you best.
Don't take anything personally.

Basically, this is telling you that life is about "your stuff". You only control you stuff and how you react to it. For others, life is about "their stuff" and how they react to it really has nothing to do with you...even if they're reacting to their stuff in a way that rejects or controls you. Simply do your best and live with integrity and know that you don't have to get wrapped up in their stuff.

Master Fire


This book, along with its companion book, was some of the best reading I have ever done.  I recommend it to everybody.


I haven't read this book and so don't intend to criticize it. I have a question, though, which might be answered in the book itself.

One night last week I tucked a certain unmentionable person into her bed with all the usual lovely ritual things said. As I left her room with her empty hot cocoa mug in hand I told her that it smelled good, and thanked her for giving me the idea to have a mugful myself.

She then said: "I think you should put an extra spoon of cocoa in tonight, because you've been an extra-wonderful Dad today."

Now can someone explain to me in what way I would be a better person, or have a better life, if I refused to take that personally?

Because I did take it personally, and it felt pretty good.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: 10 commandments for Newbies - 2/3/2007 11:07:38 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

I haven't read this book and so don't intend to criticize it. I have a question, though, which might be answered in the book itself.

One night last week I tucked a certain unmentionable person into her bed with all the usual lovely ritual things said. As I left her room with her empty hot cocoa mug in hand I told her that it smelled good, and thanked her for giving me the idea to have a mugful myself.

She then said: "I think you should put an extra spoon of cocoa in tonight, because you've been an extra-wonderful Dad today."

Now can someone explain to me in what way I would be a better person, or have a better life, if I refused to take that personally?

Because I did take it personally, and it felt pretty good.



It's a beautiful story, Noah, and I am glad you shared it.  I believe the idea behind the Agreement mentioned in the book was more geared toward the negative things that really have nothing to do with the person who might otherwise take something personally.  In other words, you and I each have our "stories."  That is, our lives.  We can only base our opinions and insights based on what we know or what we are open to learning.  So when I say something to you which could be construed as negative, it is coming from the place of "my story" and might have nothing to do with yours.  We see it here all the time on CM - arguments as to what is right, what is "real" (slave vs. sub, limits vs. no limites, online vs. real time).  Opinions stated critically toward others in disagreement should be received with the understanding that the communicator of such criticisms is only coming from his/her own "story" (life) and has nothing to do with yours. 

I'm probably chopping this to death, as it's been awhile since I read the book.  If I were home I would look it up and recite it better.  An example - my ex husband criticized me constantly.  I took it personally and was greatly hurt.  In retrospect, the man was merely projecting his misery and those things that bugged him had little to do with me and everything to do with how he viewed the world, and himself.  Hence, I should not have taken it personally.  I am doubtful that Don Miguel Ruiz (author) intended that a father should not be warmed by the love of his daughter. :)

(in reply to Noah)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: 10 commandments for Newbies - 2/5/2007 6:48:17 AM   
spankmepink11


Posts: 1310
Joined: 9/28/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the great replies and additions everyone.   This wasn't intended in a "true way" kind of spirit and as i stated in the opening post, these could apply to any and all  style of life endeavors.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: 10 commandments for Newbies - 2/5/2007 8:19:41 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		I agree as I wrote this can apply to everyone but the fact is it was written by a dominant to subs and it was posted in the sub area and this is a giant pet peeve of mine. The often and often unintentional theme of submissive people needing common sense and wisdom preached to them whether newbies or experienced by all knowing and all wise dominants and posts like these perpetuate this stereotype whether intentionally or not and obviously not the case in this sense.

Being dominant does not equate wisdom. Being submissive does not equate lack of knowledge or common sense. So I am sorry but if the true intention of the author was for everyone they would have not written it geared for submissive people and it could also have been posted in the general category and not the sub/slave one. Small and petty of me sure, but again a giant pet peeve of mine.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to spankmepink11)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: 10 commandments for Newbies - 2/5/2007 11:45:58 AM   
fufured


Posts: 15
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline 		Great Post!  Thanks for putting all the links

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 15
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