help?

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KissThis -> help? (5/2/2007 12:04:45 PM)
how would u advise some1 thats just entering the lifestyle?

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: help? (5/2/2007 12:15:22 PM)
Do not make any commitments for at least six months. My advice for Novice Female Submissives Newbie! At a loss I'm a new domme seeking advice Does a slave also have to be a fool? sub: totally new concept Questions for other newbies The Journey Starting Out New to the Life, Help How to deal? Request for Advice Advice please: Relationships, bdsm, love and boundaries First time sub seeking you advice- how to find the right master? First time sub seeking advice a newbie seeking advice How can I be a great sub? Brand new life Help needed Emotional Rollercoaster Welcoming newbies New to this Just a few questions Do's and Dont's

mstrjx -> RE: help? (5/2/2007 12:15:22 PM)
Find or order books on the subjects that you find interesting. Read. In the meantime, find 'groups' in your general area that you can meet people in real life to start building 'friendly' relationships. Learn all you can. Certainly you want to get started 'participating', but taking a little time to get your feet under you and feeling safe enough to do so takes a short while. Jeff

littleone35 -> RE: help? (5/2/2007 12:34:31 PM)
I agree with the others READ. Also be patient don't jump at the first Dom that shows intrest wait until you find a match. Took me a year and some even longer. Matt's littleone

onestandingstill -> RE: help? (5/2/2007 2:05:07 PM)
Remember when you let someone tie you up you literally put your life in their hands, remember to check references of the Doms who say they are experienced and want to play with you (if they have no references move on because they burned the bridges behind them for some reason or another), don't agree to meet people privately till they've met you in public at say a coffee shop, restaurant, a mall or some place that you will not be alone with them, be careful who you give your home number to as they can figure out where you live before you're ready for them to have that info, know the Dom/Top's trained in the avenue of play you're choosing to follow on with them in before you let him play with you as if he's not you may be permanently damaged or can even be killed by accident, just because you choose to be a sub does not give any Dom the right to order you to do a damn thing or expect you to treat any Dom in any special way unless you've chosen to. Before you submit to them you have all the rights you had before you became a sub when it comes to dating and making choices in how to do that or how to behave, trust your gut if something throws up a red flag warning for you follow that instinct and trust your instinct more than what you hear from others as many say all the right things, find a sub your respect in your local area to mentor you and help you get acclimated to the whole BDSM world where you live, And lastly before you give your submission to a Dom only participate in the things you want to do for yourself, don't do things with people you really don't want to just to get them off your list. If you don't feel you want to do something don't be pressured to do it for someone else as this is your choice and your life. Good luck, be safe, and if you ever need a friend who can keep her mouth shut and your conversations confidential if need be on the other end feel free to write me any time. I'd be more than glad to help you or find someone that can help you if you have a question or problem. suzanne

CrazyC -> RE: help? (5/2/2007 3:06:24 PM)
Read books, read online sights, and stay here and learn from those who give rational reasoning. Then once you have a handle on some the vocab, go out and meet some people in real life. You can meet some from the computer, but realize that these are not real life BDSM it is more a play thing. Though i learned alot from the first few Doms i met over the net and felt safe in a way as using them as stepping stones. You will get thousands of e-mails, so be easy on yourself. Don't expect to reply to everyone. Many of us have come to a point of what those limits are, and you will find yours too. It could be distance, age, or just those emails that show they didn't read your profile and aren't creative enough to send you a letter longer then three words. I was told by a dear friend of mine that it annoys him and he actually deams as fake subs when they don't reply to his well thought out emails. So remember, to at least send a thank you when you can...but not required. (He got an ear full on thinking that way from the subs point of view.) Oh and let your imagination run wild...it is the fun part of being in this lifestyle.

minnetar -> RE: help? (5/2/2007 4:05:05 PM)
i would also advise someone to read as much as they possibly could and not get involved in anything right away. Unfortunately, there are some unscrupulous folks who say they are in the lifestyle who aren't. The more you read the easier it would seem to be to see that something someone does is a "red flag". minnetar

spanklette -> RE: help? (5/2/2007 4:33:58 PM)
I know people here have mentioned online forums...that's fine. Just remember that they can be a double edged sword, so take everything said with a grain of salt. It may not be a lie, but it may not be true for you. Learning the vocabulary will come fairly quickly, but knowing yourself is a much harder task than people realize. Just remember...if you don't know what you want, how will you find it?

TemptingNviceSub -> RE: help? (5/2/2007 6:24:52 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: spanklette I know people here have mentioned online forums...that's fine. Just remember that they can be a double edged sword, so take everything said with a grain of salt. It may not be a lie, but it may not be true for you. Learning the vocabulary will come fairly quickly, but knowing yourself is a much harder task than people realize. Just remember...if you don't know what you want, how will you find it? Grrr..took the words right from my mouth spanklette..:0)..Tempting

Celeste43 -> RE: help? (5/2/2007 6:40:49 PM)
Read a lot and figure out what you do and don't want. Don't allow anyone to push you into something you don't want. There is no reason to try to do everything overnight, it will all still be there in six months or six years. Compatibility and communication are key, like they are in any other relationship. And like every other relationship, it won't be successful unless both parties needs are met.

IrishMist -> RE: help? (5/2/2007 7:18:13 PM)
I would second what LA said; no commitments for 6 months.

spanklette -> RE: help? (5/2/2007 7:58:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub Grrr..took the words right from my mouth spanklette..:0)..Tempting You were obviously thinking out loud. [8D]

moki1984 -> RE: help? (5/2/2007 8:07:04 PM)
trust your instincts and follow your desires

Casie -> RE: help? (5/2/2007 8:25:01 PM)
Read, I suggestion Sm 101, the loving dominant, screw the roses send me thorns, Erotic surrender: The sensual joys of female submission. And the website castlerealm.com The message boards are a desent place to ask your questions, but like others said take it with a grain of salt. Get involved in your local community. Make sure you are careful. Don't play with someone whom you litterally wouldn'y trust with with your life, and I agree you should defintally not get involved for a while.

Tapestry -> RE: help? (5/2/2007 8:26:24 PM)
Do yourself a favor and find like-minded folks in real life. Educational societies such as TES, BESS, WHIP, or any of the ones across the nation are excellent places to meet others and learn from presentations, classes, and play parties. The online world can be very skewed so the perspective of real-life interactions is valuable. There is an appropriate place for both the internet and real-time interactions.

slaveish -> RE: help? (5/2/2007 8:41:26 PM)
And if someone asks you to cam on the first meet, and tells you that you aren't a real sub if you don't cyber or masturbate in front of the cam ... eh ... probably a very bad and highly suspect way to enter the lifestyle. There are a lot of HNGs hanging around looking for inexperienced young women and men to manipulate for free wank material.

MagiksSlave -> RE: help? (5/3/2007 12:01:08 PM)
slow and steady wins the race!! Magik's slave

subboi3382 -> RE: help? (5/4/2007 3:28:47 PM)
easy into it and try a lot of different things

mnottertail -> RE: help? (5/4/2007 6:46:32 PM)
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I; I took the one less traveled by--- Robt. Frost

stella40 -> RE: help? (5/16/2007 6:12:54 PM)
Get into the community and get to know more experienced people. Differentiate between experienced in theory and experienced from practice, listen to both but believe the latter a shade more. Keep an open mind, experiment. Don't do something you're not comfortable with. Don't meet someone you're not comfortable with. Be prepared to make mistakes and learn from them. Understand that things happen with time. Be patient. The more experience you have may result in it being harder for you to find who or what you are seeking and it taking longer to find it. Don't give up. Trust. Communication. Consent. These three words are the basis.

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